I got an email today from a dear friend with this in it. It is worth sharing!

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it."

You Learn Something New (about yourself) Every Day!

Today was a day in which I learned more about myself and about this grief process. I had an experience that showed me where I am in the process. In some ways, I am farther along than I thought, and in others, not as far as I would like to be. Today, I was struck hard by how much my life has changed since a couple years ago and how much I miss David. I realize nothing will bring him back and no one will ever replace him. Knowing this in my head for nearly 12 months and being struck so hard on a purely emotional level today, are entirely different things. I know the time will come when there is another person in my life, but I don't know that I am quite ready for it now.

I have learned there are some of the same things that I will look for that I did before... 15 years ago when I first started dating David, and some things that are different now in my circumstances which necessitate some different preferred characteristics. I will always love David and that will be intimidating to any potential suitor, I imagine. There is a huge difference between someone who is divorced who feels some control, perhaps, over their change in marital status and someone who has been widowed, who feels that the entire situation is and was completely beyond their control. Both people feel loss and grief, but the situations are a little different.

Right now, as the boys and I approach not only what would have been David's and my 13th anniversary on Monday, but also the first anniversary of his death, I again feel so amazed by the people who are still at our sides, grieving right with us. There are friends, as I expected, who have come and gone over the year and some who have never wavered in their support. I am so grateful and I am so thrilled to have all of our friends and family support us in so many ways.

I had a couple friends say to me today how strong and tough I have been and how proud they are of me. I can never hear this enough, it seems, because someone says it to me just at a time when I am doubting myself. I have Anne Murray's song, "I Am Woman" on my Ipod, just so I can sing (loudly) to it whenever I need a little boost. (Here is a little secret of mine: I used to stand on the hearth as a kid, hairbrush in hand, and sing that song at the top of my lungs. Little did I know what that song would come to mean to me as an adult!)

Never more than today have I felt that the boys and I can handle whatever the coming years will bring, whether we face them alone or with another person in our family.

Thanks again for the love and prayers! Please take a moment on August 9 to give thanks that we had David in our lives. I know I will!

So This Is Summer

Well, we have had some blissfully mild days this past week or so. I had the A/C of for about 5 days straight, my electric bill will love me for it. Is has been nice to sleep with the windows open and hear the night noises.

I worked, doing First Steps (Kentucky's early intervention program for kids aged birth to 3 years with disabilities) meetings Monday and Friday and meeting on Tuesday and Thursday to place kids in the JCPS preschool program. I enjoyed seeing some of my work buddies and catching up on each others busy summers. I filled them in on the drama and excitement that seems to be my life lately. (Among other things, my grandmother's death so soon after diagnosis.) My mom and dad were with her for the week before she died (they left Wednesday and she died Thursday morning about 3:15). She was ready to go, it seems, and she had more than completed her "bucket list". She had an amazing life and I have very fond memories of times spent with her.

We have just about 3 weeks left before I go back to work. About this time every summer, I look back on things we did and I am so glad that this summer, which could have been very difficult and awful, has been a good summer. I know it isn't over and we haven't reached the day that could be the hardest of all, but I have been so surrounded by such love and support and kept busy enough, that we are all doing pretty well. We have been on a couple trips, been to the pool a lot, had many opportunities to socialize with and get to know even better some friends from school, church and our awesome neighborhood.


Davey spent the week with my mom and dad, since I was working so much. He will do the same between when I go back to work and when school starts for him. He had a lot of fun seeing 2 plays ("Schoolhouse Rock" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"), made a boat out of recyclables, made many neat things (pins, magnets, etc.) from Super Sculpy clay and helped harvest veggies (and eat them) from DadDad's garden. It was nice to get time with only Max, since usually I get one on one time with Davey either when Max is at school or after Max goes to sleep. We played a lot of cars, trains and CandyLand and read some good bedtime stories. Davey called and read bedtime stories to me over the phone each night. It was so sweet! He missed us, especially his little brother, but within the first hour after he arrived home, the main interest was the Wii.

Next week, we will spend more time with friends, I will work one day and we may get to the YMCA water park. Since last time we went (last summer), Davey has practiced swimming (he still keeps his face out of the water, but he can actually move forward!) and we have been to Great Wolf Lodge twice, so I think we will have more fun that we had last summer.

I am still so grateful for all the friends who have had the opportunity to help me negotiate all the stuff that goes with widowhood, single parenthood and grief. To all of you, I owe you BIG TIME!!! I value your advice and unwavering support!

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"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus -Greek philosopher

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"
- Woodrow Wilson

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
- Mark Twain

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller

Here We Go Again...

We had both good and bad this week...

GOOD-
We went to Chicago with Sherri and J.T. from Wednesday to Friday. We left after Davey's golf clinic Wed. morning and drove to The Palmer House (what a neat, historic hotel- I highly recommend using Hotwire to find a hotel anytime you are going on a trip. You can request only 4 and 5 star hotels in a certain area of the city and a great price!). We went to a little place close to the hotel for Chicago-style pizza and then back to the hotel for a restful night. The next morning, we got up and had McDonalds for breakfast (the boys didn't really know much about it, since we only go there about 3 times a year) and then on to the Museum of Science and Industry via bus. It was packed, but our driver was so great- awesome attitude! We got there a little after our ticketed time, but that was just fine. We saw all the Harry Potter "stuff"- Davey and Max even recognized a bit, since J.T. had introduced them to the HP phenomenon on the drive up, with help from a showing of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the car. After the exhibit, we decided we should see what else there was there. We "drove" a combine, learned about cow milking and birthing (eeww!) and made a personalized gyroscope in the ToyMaker 3000 exhibit (http://www.msichicago.org/whats-here/exhibits/toymaker/). When we were suitably exhausted (Max fell asleep while we waited for the bus back to the hotel), we went back and regrouped enough to figure out how best to get to Navy Pier. Unfortunately, the gentleman giving directions was a bit off on how long it takes to go via subway. The 3 boys really wanted to go on the subway, so, being loving Mommies, we caved. It took an hour to get to Navy Pier because you ride 2 stops and then walk about 12 blocks. Oh, well, we ate a yummo dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and then went to ride the Ferris wheel. It was neat to be able to share stories with the boys about David's and my trip to Chicago in 2006 for our 10th anniversary. They all enjoyed the Ferris wheel- Davey says it was the best part of the trip. Back to the hotel (via bus, this time. Same price as the subway, but took us from the pier to 1/2 block from the hotel. A MUCH better method!) Quick bath, to bed and ready for the next morning. Breakfast at Corner Cafe- delish summer fruit and nut oatmeal, spectacular french toast, happy boys! Then check out of the hotel and drive to the Shedd Aquarium. Another great experience! They just reopened the Oceanarium in late May after being closed (and animals "on vacation" in Mystic, CT for 9 months)- now it is LEED certified (very "green") and houses sea lions, dolphins, otters and pygmy belugas. They do a training show/ run through for their new show opening in a few weeks twice each day. We happened to be there when they were getting ready to do one, so we lined up and watched. Again, Max fell asleep while we were waiting, but woke up shortly after we sat down and the show was being introduced. He missed the long wait (and my contorting in an attempt to keep him comfortable) and got to see the show. We saw a few more exhibits and then began our 5 hour drive back to Louisville. We pulled into the driveway a little after midnight.

BAD-
his past week, my grandmother (85 and typically described by people who meet her as "spunky", "hip" or "wild") had a procedure to remove fluid from her chest (fluid due to congestive heart failure). The pathology reports on the fluid showed stage 3B cancer (we hear this is worse than stage 4). She has endured her husband having chemo in 1988 (I think), her son-in-law and grandson-in-law battle cancer and all lost the fight. She has decided not to have any treatment and has nor begun refusing treatment for pneumonia. She is likely going to leave the hospital and move to a place where she can receive the medical care she needs or go back home with full time nursing care. Either way, the next weeks will be rough and require spontaneity on the part of the family in KY, TN, TX, NC, SC, and FL. With the beginning of school coming for Davey, J.T. and me, many of us will have to be prepared to fly (or drive) to Tampa quickly.

The cousins enjoyed each other and I am so glad they have had such opportunities to see each other so much in the past year (this makes the fifth time since August!)

Have a spectacular week and please pray for doctors, patients and caregivers!

Time for BED!!!!

Wipeout

I don't know if any of you watch "Wipeout" on ABC on Wednesday nights, but it is a must see at our house! I find it funny that the boys are so into the show and the belly laughs in response to the wipeouts. Today, I went to see what the kids were playing at our friends' house and Josie and Davey were planning and then going through a course with platforms, unsteady pieces of furniture and "Big Balls". Not to be outdone by his older brother, I went down to the basement and Max had created an obstacle course based on "Wipeout" and the Little People were competing for the top prize. He explained to me every step of the course and what the Little People had to do to advance to the next stage. It was very funny! I guess it could be worse, after all there are worse things on that kids see.... SpongeBob, for example. This summer, the only TV they have watched has consisted of the occasional "Magic School Bus", Wimbledon and the weekly "Wipeout". I attribute this to the addition of Goliath to our family.