At Last!

We are on the verge of a glorious 5 days off to spend with family and give thanks. Despite the "yuckiness" I have been through since last Thanksgiving, I am somehow able to see the many blessings I have in my life, beginning with my 2 wonderful, (near)perfect, brilliant, loving and resilient boys! I have more friends that care deeply for me and the boys than I can count. My boys, family, friends and faith are what has pulled me through thus far and I hope these things will get me through the next few days, weeks, months and years.

All that said, allow me to reflect on the weekend. We stayed busy! Friday evening, we ordered pizza (thanks to a gift card given to us) and hung out with our neighbors (Bobbi, Kevin, Josie, Ryan and Logan). The kids got to play with/ observe Kevin's dad's Lionel train from 50+ years ago. We were home late and everyone in our house slept in until 8:30! We enjoyed our typical Sat. morning sourdough chocolate chip pancakes, watched a little t.v. and played in the basement. I managed to go through boxes of clothes and discover an entire 3T hand-me-down wardrobe for Max and box up 3 boxes of outgrown clothes for consignment. Davey had a birthday party to attend, which Max and I crashed (it seems that single mommyhood requires one sibling to get dragged to the activities of the other). After the party, we went to Bobbi and Kevin's for another, larger, get-together for appetizers, drinks, games and fun. Again, a late night for the boys, but we were up again on time for a rushed breakfast (if you can call it that) in the car on the way to Mass. After church, we went to Costco and Wendy's and then home. I felt such a sense of accomplishment with this NEXT activity. The boys helped (using that term a bit loosely) me rake and collect the leaves in the backyard into piles. Their job was to use the little wheelbarrow to consolidate the pile into the jumping pile. They did that until they got bored and cold, then they went inside. I continued on to fill 11 yard bags with leaves and not even touch the front yard. The boys did pop out occasionally to check on my progress and only complain about each other a little. Afterward, we enjoyed hot chocolate, leftovers and bedtime stories. I am definitely ready for a break!

This is the weekend I plan to get Max out of diapers, at least during the day. His third birthday is swiftly approaching and I will have reinforcements named Googey, DadDad, Uncle Fuzzy and Aunt Sherri, not to mention my little role models on the "how", "when" and "where", Davey and J.T. Wish us luck!!

I did manage to get into the shopping part of the preparations for the holidays at Target the other day. I think you can't help but get caught up in it at Target!

I wish you all a peaceful and gratitude-filled Thanksgiving and thank you again for your kindness, love and support!

College Plans

You all may find it strange or unusual that a 6 year old is talking a great deal about college, but ever since this past weekend when we watched the UK (that would be Kentucky, not Kansas)vs. Vanderbilt football game (a huge rivalry, is seems), Davey has been contemplating his collegiate future. He has decided that he would very much like to attend Vandy. Yesterday, he asked me how old people are when they go to college. This afternoon, he said he only wanted to go if I could go with him. I told him that he would live in a big building kind of like a hotel of only college students. He thought that sounded good, especially when I told him he would have a roommate. He put it together that there could be bunk beds. He has been really pro-bunk beds lately, so a roommate and bunks sounded really good to him. He said to me, "Do you think I could sleep on the top one night and on the bottom the next night?" I told him he would have to talk to his roommate. His response was, "Will it be a boy roommate or a girl?" I told him a boy and he said, "Good! I think that would be better." He has decided that St. X (Saint Xavier High School, for those not familiar with the Louisville Catholics HS- It has a very good reputation for academics, character development and athletics) and Vandy are his choices, at least for now. Our friend, John Huber, went to both, so he is looking to follow in some awesome footsteps.

Another funny thing that happened over the weekend, that I forgot to mention... Max is utterly convinced that Santa lives in a gingerbread house.

I managed to get in the holiday spirit this afternoon. I went to Target to do a bit of birthday (Max will be 3 in 15 days, so I needed to get going!) and Christmas shopping. I supported the economy a bit, so a recession cannot be blamed on me! I was excited that I had gotten into it. I have some more to do for Davey, but there will be no lack of inspiration there, since he has been circling things in catalogs for the past few weeks.

There is a kick off the holidays "thing" near here tomorrow evening with Santa, fireworks and hot chocolate, so we may go to that. Davey has a birthday party to attend and we have a neighborhood get together that was tentatively planned for Saturday. Then, next week, we get to see my brother, sister in law and nephew!! Yippee!!!

Whew!

Well, one day down and 8 more until Thanksgiving Break! We had a good weekend. My mom is doing well after a lumpectomy last Thursday. Things look positive, but we wait (prayerfully) for the doctor's follow up visit on Friday. The boys, DadDad and I went bowling on Saturday so Googey could rest in a quiet house. The boys got to have Culver's for lunch, which is a treat since we don't want to drive to the one here (it is a bit far from home).

Today, I felt like I really earned my paycheck! I got headbutted by a student, so I had to keep him from hurting me, himself or his classmates. At least that was as far as it went today. I had a lunch that turned into a therapy session with Amy and Bobbi. It is good to have friends to talk to, hug, cry with, etc.

This evening, we had Ryan and Logan over for Italian Beef, spinach egg noodles and green beans (apparently, these are Logan's favorite veggie. Who knew?). Josie was over playing, so she tried some meat (and, amazingly, she liked it... she doesn't like anything new), then Bobbi and Kevin came over to get her and stayed to eat. The kiddos all decided to put on a puppet show (which will have to be continued on Sat. Apparently, we are now all getting together Sat. evening.) It turned out to be a good day... I still wish David were with us to enjoy it all.

Davey has been a bit sad the past 2 evenings. He has gotten teary and told me he misses Daddy. He tells me he wants to sleep with me because he loves me and it's lonely. What should my stance be on making him stay in his own room? His habit has become that he will come in in the middle of the night (presumably when he gets up to go to the bathroom) and crawl in with me. I am not sure whether to put a stop to it immediately or cut him some slack.

On another bed question, David and I had discussed getting bunk beds for Max's room when he outgrew the "toddler bed" (either physically or developmentally). Davey thinks HE needs the bunk beds in his room. There is no space for a full bed in Max's room, but there is in Davey's. The idea was that when people came to visit, guests could be in Davey's full bed and the boys could sleep in Max's room. I attempted to explain this to Davey and the space logistics. I think he understands. So now the question is the WHAT and the WHEN. Do I get bunks or a trundle? DO I do this for Max's birthday (in about 3 weeks) or wait?

It is good to think about seeing my brother, sister-in-law and nephew for Thanksgiving, but I am having a hard time getting excited about Christmas. I don't feel like doing a tree, shopping, putting up lights, any of it, but I know the boys need it and deserve it. I hate the idea of decorating the tree without David. Even as messed up as things were last year, we managed to do the tree. I am not inspired for gifts for the boys, but I know that is not what it is about. I want to still see the joy and magic that they will(hopefully)see in the Christmas season.

Davey will be getting his first report card soon. I am excited for him. He has done well. All 100s except a 99 in Spanish and a 95 in Art. Good for him! I am still getting adjusted to making lunches and supervising homework. I do wish I could get him to do homework as soon as we get home, but the pattern has developed that he does it between when Max goes to bed and when he goes to bed.

I think that is enough rambling for tonight. Please comment or reply regarding the bunk bed vs. trundle and any advice for getting into the Spirit of the Season. I will take as much advice as is provided. Thanks, as always, for your love and support!!

A Fun Night Out

I went out to dinner this evening with about 40 moms of St. Margaret Mary kindergarteners. It was one of the most fun evenings I have had since August, well, maybe even since before that. What a neat bunch of gals and what a treat it was to splurge on a sitter and a nice meal, especially on a school night! Thanks to Suzy for the Ruby Slipper and to all the gals who made it! Let's do it again, soon!!

An Angel

A very mysterious thing happened to me yesterday. I have this awesome green raincoat that I bought at a consignment store here. I have worn it almost every day since Saturday. Yesterday, I reached into the right pocket and there, among the 2 Tootsie Roll pops, a tissue and my ID badge from work, was a coin-sized token with an angel on one side and on the reverse, it says "strength". I have no idea how is got there, but it had not been there when I left for work and was digging in my pockets for my car keys. Hmmm..... After the things I have been living with lately, I would say strength is an appropriate mantra and this is an appropriate touchstone. Whether someone earthly placed in my pocket or it appeared by some other more mysterious method, it doesn't matter. It touched me and I love having that in my pocket.

A Quickie

Ok, not what you'd expect from a "young widow" as I have been called a fair bit lately. There are no "quickies" in my life, especially seeing as everything takes longer than it used to these days. There is always more that I need to do (laundry, cook, clean, pack lunches...) an want to do (reading with and cuddling with my boys, "Boston Legal", phone calls, reading, blogging...) than there are hours in the day! So this will be brief, I hope!

Work is good. I still love it, even with the chair throwing, poop smearing, hitting, biting, scratching, etc. going on with 2 of my students. It is very rewarding.

We are getting along ok without any meals coming and with me doing my own mowing and leaf removal. It is a slow process, but very rewarding when it is finished.

I hired a sitter to come so I could join a friend at a showing of "Secret Life of Bees" on Sunday afternoon. I will be doing it again tomorrow night so I can go to a Moms' Night Out with the kindergarten moms. It should be fun!

David's last group at work has collected a chunk of money for the boys' education fund. We continue to be blessed with amazing support from people who care so much about us!

I saw this at one of my schools and it has stuck with me so I will share it.

"Decide to be happy today, to love with what is yours- your family, your business, your job, your luck. If you can't have what you like, maybe you can like what you have. Just for today, be kind, be cheerful, agreeable, responsive, caring and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, look for the bright side of things. Praise people for what they do and don't criticize them for what they can't do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, it's just for one day. Who knows? It may turn out to be a nice day."

Grey's Anatomy

I watched "Grey's" tonight. I don't know if anyone else follows it, but I have been a loyal viewer since Season 2. I haven't had any issues with watching it so far this season... UNTIL TONIGHT. There was an older couple who had been blissfully married for many, many years. The wife had a brain tumor and was having a risky surgery to try to remove it. She signed a DNR order and when she is slipping away, her husband loses it and wants to try anything they can to save her. It brought back some thoughts, feelings and memories of having to watch David slip away. I am so grateful that the doctors and staff turned the monitors off so we would not have to hear the beeping and that continuous tone when the heart and breathing stop. I was urging the docs on TV to turn those monitors off and not torture that poor man, having to listen to those beeps and hums. I didn't cry, but I was thrown into a flashback from August. It still is hard, yet at times comforting to see David in the pictures on the wall and on the dresser. I know I need to go through the closet and David's dresser, but I can't seem to get to the point that I can do it. I know there is no rush, but as the days turn colder, there is someone who needs these long pants, flannel shirts, sweatshirts and sweaters much more than I do! Anyone locally have a suggestion of a place to donate clothes? Wayside? St. Vincent dePaul? Let me know your suggestions!

Compensation

God, I have known sorrow-
I have stood by helplessly,
as fate like a madly rushing, rising river,
Sullen and ruthless, swept from me everything worth
buying at life's mart;
Baby eyes, slowly clouding with death,
have pleaded for life,
As I stood by anxious and sorrowing,
but oh! how helpless.
Sorrow has squeezed my heart dry of all emotion,
Even the tears are gone from my eyes,
I smile-I smile, but God, I have known sorrow.

You have been kind, dear God, for I have known love-
Not mere white, hot passion, but a love so possessing,
Consuming, that no sacrifice was too great to keep it;
A love that hid me from every hurt,
taking me in its strong, tender arms
Up to a land peopled with fairies,
and carpeted with pale hyacinths.
I willingly bear the the loneliness-the sorrow-
Since I have known love.
-- Ruby Berkeley Goodwin

Family Time

It has been a little while since the last post, so I will try to hit the highlights.

FLU SHOT- I took Max for his flu shot last week. I took a sick day to do it, but a meeting was scheduled for me on that day. So I worked part of the day and then went to do his shot. We arrived at the pediatricians' office and discovered that "shot hours" had just ended until later in the day. I guess I looked crushed, because the pediatrician there at the time (the amazing Dr. Lori Rust!!) said she would give it to him anyway. They are such a great group. She was one of the 2 doctors there who came to the funeral home. It was awesome to have 2 docs and the dental hygienist come to the visitation just because they saw it in the paper! Max got the "snort up the nose" version (Flumist), so it was relatively painless. Then he went back to his class for nap time and I went on my way.

HALLOWEEN- I went to Davey's class party, as one of the 3 room moms. We had fun and I was in charge of the craft. We made eyeball ornaments out of glass ball ornaments, felt and a red Sharpie (for the veins in the bloodshot eyes). They seemed to be a hit! After the party, Davey and I came home and we met my mom and dad. Mom and Dad and Davey planted over 150 bulbs! So in the spring, when I have tulips, hyacinths, daffodils and other flowers, it will be thanks to my parents' hard work on Halloween! A little later, we collected Max (if we had gone right away, he would have missed most of their party, they partied after nap time). We all got ready to go to the Chitwoods' party and trick or treating in the 'Hood. Needless to say, Halloween lacked a little something this year, but I am glad we did not have to go trick or treat on the Oncology floor of a hospital.

ST. LOUIS AND ILLINOIS- We went on the trip to St. Louis that David and I had been planning since Spring, 2007. Davey had gotten interested in the Gateway Arch and really wanted to see it. About 1 1/2 hours from St. Louis is my dad's hometown, so it was logical to visit my grandparents on the same trip. In Aug., 2007, when we planned to make this trip, and attend Grandpa's 90th birthday celebration, both David and Grandpa were in the hospital. SO we did not make it. So, we decided to make the trip in July, 2008. Again, David was in the hospital. Davey would get excited about the trip when we would start talking about it again, only to be bummed when it didn't happen. I have now done my best to not put things off that involve making memories with and for my boys. This is why, even though I always said I would not take my kids out of school for a trip (we would plan around school breaks), Davey ended up missing 2 days of school. I was off on Mon. and Tues., so it seemed like the right time to go. Originally, Davey had Tuesday off, too, but after the power outage, they added Election Day back onto the calendar. After receiving the go-ahead from Davey's teacher (and her laughing, "Jennifer, he will be more than fine!") we went ahead with our plans. We left early Saturday and stopped in Evansville, IN for breakfast and made it to SL by 12:30. Our hotel was the Hyatt across from the Arch. I highly recommend it!! Our first stop was the Arch itself. We saw a movie about Lewis and Clark- very well done. Informative, educational and entertaining. Then up in the Pod to the top of the Arch. Very cool! The Pods are quite cozy! I don't recommend it if you are claustrophobic! After the Arch, we went to the Budweiser brewery to see the Clydesdales (Max is still talking about one horse named Thomas who pooped. I admit, big horse= big poop, but little boys are fascinated with excrement, aren't they??) and our free beer sample. Then to the Hill (St Louis' Italian neighborhood) for Italian grocery and a great Italian meal. My mom found me a bottle if wine. The label says "Mommy's Time Out", hmmm... so try and potentially needed some quiet Sunday evening, if such a thing exists. After the dinner, we DID make a trip to Ted Drewes for custard concretes. They are on the old Route 66 and have been around forever. Yum!! Sunday morning, we arose and went to Mass at the Cathedral. Beautiful mosaics everywhere!! After church, we were off to Trader Joe's. I had never been, but now I know what the hype is! Then, off to lunch at the Schlafly Tap Room (delicious fish and chips!!) and then to City Museum to partake in the art, circus/ magic show and gargantuan jungle gym! Amazing! Whew! THEN it was time to load people into the van and head for Illinois. We arrived in time to have pizza with a couple of my aunts and chat a little with them and my Grandparents before heading to the motel for baths and bedtime. Monday, we had only planned to drive to Springfield to see the Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. The displays in the museum are truly inspired. Amazing use of film and technology! We each chose a souvenir from the gift shop. Then we headed back to Grandma and Grandpa's house to get ready to go have the chicken dinner at the American Legion. After more family visiting time, I rounded folks up so the buy could get in bed. The trip home was uneventful and we were so glad to get home to our stuff and our house.

BACK TO ROUTINE- We all went back to our school routine fairly smoothly. We have reached the point where we need to get back to doing a lot of the upkeep and cooking. I mowed the grass myself this afternoon and both Tues. and Thurs. this week, I have' will be back to doing dinner. Thank goodness for the meals YUM brought in June and July. Well, the Ambien is kicking in! Take care and enjoy your friends and loved ones! They are the mirrors in our lives into which we should look once in a while to get an honest feel for our lives.