Birthday

Well, we did just fine on Monday, as it turned out. I tried to go about my day as any Monday. After I left with the boys, David's mom and dad left in the Subaru, (I couldn't watch them drive away in David's car)and they headed to Texas. I went to work. Later, I picked Davey up from school (I went into the parking lot the wrong way for dismissal, just was on autopilot, I guess, and so I parked and walked over top where the kids are dismissed and waited for him. As we were walking to the car, the carpool Nazi stopped us and asked, "Can I help you!?" I responded, "No, we are just walking." She told me that walkers are dismissed AFTER car riders and I need to make sure I follow the protocol in future. I felt like saying, "Look, this little boy's daddy died and we are just trying to go to our car, so LAY OFF and think about what is really important in life!", BUT, I didn't have the energy to say anything.) and we went to get Max and went home. There was a message from Bobbi telling me she and our friend Amy were getting together for snacks and margaritas (Bobbi's specialty, if you remember from previous posts, she has been known to bring a 'rita to me at my house) and would I like to bring the boys over and join them. So the boys and I went over for a little, until it was time to go to the Straubs' for the birthday party.

We arrived at the Straubs' just as 4/5 of the Hubers arrived. We enjoyed an evening of laughter, tears and wine. We enjoyed Jennifer's special stuffed squash and Rudy grilled burgers and franks. Max sang (solo) Happy Birthday before we ate the cake. The boys released balloons and Max and I said "Happy birthday, Daddy" as they floated away. I held it together pretty well, overall.... until I got the boys in bed and started truly thinking about last year (we had a surprise 35th birthday party for David and that night, I had to take him to the ER because of a high fever.) I listened to the YUM voicemail greeting I have saved (about 10 times). That is the only recording I have of him, except our wedding video, which I cannot bear to watch. I fell apart, called a couple friends on the phone for support, including Tena, of course!!

I boo hooed a lot and woke up the next morning with a little headache (from the crying, stress or wine???) and flung myself into the toughest few days with my students I have experienced in several years. I am trying to give myself the ok to enjoy people, experiences and life in general. I think David would want me/ us to do that. We have some plans this weekend that will be Halloween and Fall in nature, so we are getting into the festivities. This year, we will not be trick or treating on the Oncology floor of Baptist East, although, if David were there, we would certainly do it again!

Hope everyone has a great rest of their week!

"I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall revere and worship and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3