Counseling- Both Professional and Not

Some things happened in the past 5 days that have made me think long and hard about what grief and grieving are "supposed" to look like and how a "grieving widow" is supposed to behave. This weekend, I have had a number of conversations regarding that subject and taken a great deal of time to explore these questions. I talked to my mom, my grandmother (a widow of 20 plus years), and several friends to gather their input on the subject. I have concluded that there is absolutely NO timeline nor protocol for grief behavior. If something or someone in your life provides comport and helps you heal (and does not cause harm to you), then that is a good thing to have in your life. I have many people in my life that help each day to be better than it would be without them. I am so blessed by those people and they are angels in my life and the lives of my boys.

We got the pumpkins (5 of them) carved or decorated on Saturday evening. Then I fell apart. I was extremely sad and lonely. I can truly see how people can get addicted to and dependent on alcohol to dull the pain! I can see how people engage in destructive behavior to fill the void. I am grateful to the people who supported me that night and enabled me to work through the pain and anger I felt.

Well, the professional verdict is in. Davey and I had an intake session yesterday afternoon with a counselor from Hospice. After talking to us for about 90 minutes, she proclaimed our support network (both family and friends) to be quite enviable and able to make professional counseling unnecessary at this time. She said there is nothing counseling could provide that we are not already getting from family, friends and coworkers. Her only recommendation was to make sure I went to consult with my physician given my new circumstances. She seems to have given Davey food for thought. She asked us to make a list of things that are different now. Davey said to me this afternoon that he had thought of more things that are different now. We will be going to a couple group activities that Hospice is offering over the holiday season.

I had a nice time last night at my book group dinner. We went to a nice restaurant and I really enjoy these ladies! The boys got to go to Sonic and hang out with 2 grownups who really care about them. You can never have too many people around you who care about you. We are blessed with so many of those people! It has become very clear who the people are who are on your side and who support you!


"Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart."
Proverbs 27: 9

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:80

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10