First Weekend of October

The first weekend of October has always been exciting, ever since 2002, when I went into labor on what is known in Louisville as St. James Day, the opening day of the St. James Court Art Fair. Now, this weekend always holds a day off for me, to be able to attend the art fair, Davey's birthday party (this year at Incredible Dave's) and, now, the past 2 years, we have the Light the Night walk on Saturday night. Davey is going with me to the art fair, a little mommy- son bonding.

The best thing about this weekend is that my parents will get to meet Jimmy, my boyfriend (how weird to be 37 and calling someone that), at the movies tomorrow night. My mom has already said, "How could we NOT like him? He makes you so happy!" I love my parents! They are so supportive of me all the time. Isn't it amazing that even as an adult I need my parents' love and validation! I think everyone will like everyone, because I have impeccable taste!

Have a great fall!!

Living in the Spirit

Not that I want to seem preachy, but a couple things happened this weekend that made me feel even more faithful, or better, faith-filled.

I watched "Fireproof", a movie that I had vaguely heard of about a year ago, but had never seen. I watched the DVD last night and was moved. I think all couples need to see it together and see what conversations it starts and what changes it makes in even the most solid relationships. Don't think you will be seeing an Oscar Award winner, though... Spielberg, it is not. It will go down as one of my "must see" movie recommendations.

Second, at church this morning, the homily was delivered by Deacon Chuck Bent, a man who went to visit David in the hospital and brought tea or coffee each time. He spoke about how he knows God is real because of what he has experienced in his life. All the opportunities that have presented themselves when he needed them, with regard to jobs, moves, guidance. I have felt the same way over the past year, thinking about the people who have come into my life and offered comfort, caring, support, even just some distraction from "real life" for a few hours. I think about how, so many years ago, when I was saying, "Do we HAVE to go to Kentucky, AGAIN?!?!?", my parents bought land here to live on in their retirement. David was being recruited for a job with Tricon in Dallas, only to end up applying for a job in Louisville, so we could be closer to my parents. David deciding after being married to me for 10 years, to go through the RCIA program and become Catholic. Little did we know that, after making it through 2 colon re-sectionings, an ostomy and a great many doctor visits, we were about to face another medical challenge and the toughest fight we could imagine. As we have heard many times, "the Lord works in mysterious ways." I believe the Spirit, God, the Lord, whatever you choose to call it, had a plan for us to be here in Louisville when we faced the diagnosis of lymphoma. We were led to be here, to be surrounded by our community in our jobs, our neighborhood, our church and being close to my parents as Davey, Max and I went into survival mode. We have come through it well, I think, at least so far. We wouldn't be doing as well as we are if it hadn't been for friends, faith and my family! God knew what we needed and, even though I questioned things along the way ("Why did we move away from everything and everyone we know to go to Kentucky for a job?"), moving here was the best thing for us. We, now I, am raising the boys in an environment that is reflective of the priorities David and I had for our children: to be kind, intelligent, caring, respectful, faith-filled young men who are mindful of others' needs, act charitably, think about the impact and influence their words and actions have on others and know how to be unselfish. This community offers the support we need as parents to do all this and more. I am surrounding myself and my boys with other families with the same priorities and I know God had control in making that happen.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, but, if I have, perhaps a little reminder of how the gifts in your life came to be there was just what you needed!

This week, we will be going on an adventure to Florida to celebrate the life of my grandmother, Maxene, with my extended family. Please send some prayer our way. Family gatherings of this size, even without the aspect of losing a loved one, can be interesting, to say the least.

May you let the Spirit work in your life this week... see where it takes YOU!!

A Little Funny Story

Tena informed me that this story was "blogworthy".... so her is a little humor, 3 year old style.

At the football game last Saturday, our first high school game, Max and Davey were playing "got your nose" and I heard off to my right,

"Got your nose!" (Davey)

"Got YOUR nose." (Max)

"Nope, got yours!" (Davey)

"Got your penis!" (Max)

This made for one embarrassed Mommy! But, also for a few laughs!

A Very Fun and Full Weekend...

Whew, we had a very busy weekend! The weather was pretty good, not humid and not hot. We spent time with friends, both new and old. We have so many awesomely supportive friends, many of whom asked for updates on our "goings on" this weekend through the many technologies available nowadays.

That being said, I had reached a point where I had to upgrade my cell plan to include texting back in May, and now have increased it to 1500 per month. I am becoming quite a fan of texting!! I know, I know, "Welcome to 2009, Jen!"

One of the highlights of our weekend was the first high school football game last night. We went to see North Oldham High play Moore High. We stayed for the first 3 quarters and Max got very wiggly and Davey got too bored. It was a fun experience even though it had been drizzling earlier and the bleachers were wet.

Today, after church, we went to lunch with a group of friends we typically join for lunch on Sunday. Then the boys wanted to go to the playground, then off to the grocery store, then home for some down time. Tonight, we took a picnic out to an area of green space in Anchorage (part of Louisville, for those who are unfamiliar) to hear a band that 3 friends from church are members of. They are called DNR. Two of the members are a couple who are both physicians, a cardiologist and a doctor of integrated medicine/ hormone therapy. I doesn't seem fair that they can be nice, musically talented AND doctors! They play music from the 190s through the 1990s, with the very occasional song from this millennium. Our picnic consisted of crab cake sandwiches, strawberries, potato chips and drinks. It was a fantastic evening.

This week holds the St. Margaret Mary Open House, my book group is meeting for dinner and, I hope, a couple of trips to the gym for me, since I found myself too busy last week to go at all!

Wishing my "bleaders" (that's Blog Readers, according to Julie Powell, author of Julie and Julia) an excellent week!

A Few Random Things....

Davey spent the last week of summer with my parents at Camp Googey and DadDad. He learned how to swim without a lifevest or floaties. I told him in June that he needed to either learn to swim or ride a 2 wheeler without training wheels before the end of summer. So, he did it!! He is so excited and proud of himself!

You may remember that Mary, David's sister, had a little girl at 28 weeks. Things seem to be going well, but please keep them both in your prayers.

I also ask for your prayers for my friend, Tena, and her family. Back in early June, her dad was diagnosed with very aggressive cancer and he has been in and out of the hospital fighting very hard. As of today, he is off the ventilator and feisty as ever.

My nephew, J.T., started kindergarten yesterday. He had a great day and wants to go back.

We went to "Meet the Teacher" day on Monday. Davey is excited about being a first grader and got the teacher he wanted. Tomorrow is the big day. I am ready for us all to be back on a schedule.

We will have to be making another (quick) trip to Florida next month for my grandmother's Celebration of Life. She was a really neat lady, as any of you all who met her will attest to. She lived life to the fullest and completed everything on her "bucket list". I hope to be able to say that when my time comes. She had her memorial service all planned out and all we have to do is make it happen, complete with jazz band on the catamaran playing the songs she chose. We will have the chance to see a lot of family that we don't see very often (some I saw last August, here in Louisville). Another chance for my boys to get to see their favorite cousin, J.T.

Every day, I am reminded of 2 things my grandmother tried to instill in me in the past couple years: "Happiness is an inside job." and "We plan, God laughs." Too true! We may THINK we are in control, and then something happens to remind us otherwise!

Well, I should get to bed, since tomorrow is a big day! Looking forward to a GREAT weekend!!

A Happy New Year... of sorts

I feel like I braced myself for a big storm and there was just a few days of heavy rain, some showers and some days of drizzle. Now that I am on the other side of the Anniversary, I can say that it was not as bad as I expected and that this August is MUCH better than last.

My parents hosted a party for many of our most supportive friends. It was fun to see so many from all areas of our lives, school, church, work, neighborhood, to name a few. We celebrated, cried, laughed and swapped David stories. Again, we are so fortunate!

I went back to work for good this morning. I have worked a total of 11 days during the summer, doing transition and First Steps meetings, attending and presenting professional development sessions... It was great to see some of my favorite coworkers, catch up from the summer, have lunch together and ease into the new school year. I will have 4 teachers that I haven't worked with before and 4 that I worked with in the past. I already know some of the kiddos on my caseload, so that makes prepping for the new year a little easier.

Davey is again at Camp Googey and DadDad. So far, they have harvested and eaten fresh produce from my dad's garden, gone swimming and done some puzzles. I can't wait to hear tomorrow about the next adventures! Weeks like this allow Max and I to have time that we don't usually have with just the 2 of us. Usually, it is Davey that I get one on one time with since he is up later. I have enjoyed getting to spend quality time with him, letting him be the center of my attention.

I am looking forward to lots of exciting things to come in the next year. I am optimistic and think there are a lot of possibilities out there. Davey and I have speculated a little in the past week or so about the new school year... new friends, new teacher, harder work, etc. Not only true in the world of first grade, but also in the real world, too.

Please continue to pray for my friend Tena and her family as they battle her dad's cancer and also for David's sister, Mary, who had a little girl a couple weeks ago- 12 weeks premature.

Have a fantastic week!!!

I got an email today from a dear friend with this in it. It is worth sharing!

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
Love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it."

You Learn Something New (about yourself) Every Day!

Today was a day in which I learned more about myself and about this grief process. I had an experience that showed me where I am in the process. In some ways, I am farther along than I thought, and in others, not as far as I would like to be. Today, I was struck hard by how much my life has changed since a couple years ago and how much I miss David. I realize nothing will bring him back and no one will ever replace him. Knowing this in my head for nearly 12 months and being struck so hard on a purely emotional level today, are entirely different things. I know the time will come when there is another person in my life, but I don't know that I am quite ready for it now.

I have learned there are some of the same things that I will look for that I did before... 15 years ago when I first started dating David, and some things that are different now in my circumstances which necessitate some different preferred characteristics. I will always love David and that will be intimidating to any potential suitor, I imagine. There is a huge difference between someone who is divorced who feels some control, perhaps, over their change in marital status and someone who has been widowed, who feels that the entire situation is and was completely beyond their control. Both people feel loss and grief, but the situations are a little different.

Right now, as the boys and I approach not only what would have been David's and my 13th anniversary on Monday, but also the first anniversary of his death, I again feel so amazed by the people who are still at our sides, grieving right with us. There are friends, as I expected, who have come and gone over the year and some who have never wavered in their support. I am so grateful and I am so thrilled to have all of our friends and family support us in so many ways.

I had a couple friends say to me today how strong and tough I have been and how proud they are of me. I can never hear this enough, it seems, because someone says it to me just at a time when I am doubting myself. I have Anne Murray's song, "I Am Woman" on my Ipod, just so I can sing (loudly) to it whenever I need a little boost. (Here is a little secret of mine: I used to stand on the hearth as a kid, hairbrush in hand, and sing that song at the top of my lungs. Little did I know what that song would come to mean to me as an adult!)

Never more than today have I felt that the boys and I can handle whatever the coming years will bring, whether we face them alone or with another person in our family.

Thanks again for the love and prayers! Please take a moment on August 9 to give thanks that we had David in our lives. I know I will!

So This Is Summer

Well, we have had some blissfully mild days this past week or so. I had the A/C of for about 5 days straight, my electric bill will love me for it. Is has been nice to sleep with the windows open and hear the night noises.

I worked, doing First Steps (Kentucky's early intervention program for kids aged birth to 3 years with disabilities) meetings Monday and Friday and meeting on Tuesday and Thursday to place kids in the JCPS preschool program. I enjoyed seeing some of my work buddies and catching up on each others busy summers. I filled them in on the drama and excitement that seems to be my life lately. (Among other things, my grandmother's death so soon after diagnosis.) My mom and dad were with her for the week before she died (they left Wednesday and she died Thursday morning about 3:15). She was ready to go, it seems, and she had more than completed her "bucket list". She had an amazing life and I have very fond memories of times spent with her.

We have just about 3 weeks left before I go back to work. About this time every summer, I look back on things we did and I am so glad that this summer, which could have been very difficult and awful, has been a good summer. I know it isn't over and we haven't reached the day that could be the hardest of all, but I have been so surrounded by such love and support and kept busy enough, that we are all doing pretty well. We have been on a couple trips, been to the pool a lot, had many opportunities to socialize with and get to know even better some friends from school, church and our awesome neighborhood.


Davey spent the week with my mom and dad, since I was working so much. He will do the same between when I go back to work and when school starts for him. He had a lot of fun seeing 2 plays ("Schoolhouse Rock" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"), made a boat out of recyclables, made many neat things (pins, magnets, etc.) from Super Sculpy clay and helped harvest veggies (and eat them) from DadDad's garden. It was nice to get time with only Max, since usually I get one on one time with Davey either when Max is at school or after Max goes to sleep. We played a lot of cars, trains and CandyLand and read some good bedtime stories. Davey called and read bedtime stories to me over the phone each night. It was so sweet! He missed us, especially his little brother, but within the first hour after he arrived home, the main interest was the Wii.

Next week, we will spend more time with friends, I will work one day and we may get to the YMCA water park. Since last time we went (last summer), Davey has practiced swimming (he still keeps his face out of the water, but he can actually move forward!) and we have been to Great Wolf Lodge twice, so I think we will have more fun that we had last summer.

I am still so grateful for all the friends who have had the opportunity to help me negotiate all the stuff that goes with widowhood, single parenthood and grief. To all of you, I owe you BIG TIME!!! I value your advice and unwavering support!

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"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus -Greek philosopher

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"
- Woodrow Wilson

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
- Mark Twain

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller

Here We Go Again...

We had both good and bad this week...

GOOD-
We went to Chicago with Sherri and J.T. from Wednesday to Friday. We left after Davey's golf clinic Wed. morning and drove to The Palmer House (what a neat, historic hotel- I highly recommend using Hotwire to find a hotel anytime you are going on a trip. You can request only 4 and 5 star hotels in a certain area of the city and a great price!). We went to a little place close to the hotel for Chicago-style pizza and then back to the hotel for a restful night. The next morning, we got up and had McDonalds for breakfast (the boys didn't really know much about it, since we only go there about 3 times a year) and then on to the Museum of Science and Industry via bus. It was packed, but our driver was so great- awesome attitude! We got there a little after our ticketed time, but that was just fine. We saw all the Harry Potter "stuff"- Davey and Max even recognized a bit, since J.T. had introduced them to the HP phenomenon on the drive up, with help from a showing of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the car. After the exhibit, we decided we should see what else there was there. We "drove" a combine, learned about cow milking and birthing (eeww!) and made a personalized gyroscope in the ToyMaker 3000 exhibit (http://www.msichicago.org/whats-here/exhibits/toymaker/). When we were suitably exhausted (Max fell asleep while we waited for the bus back to the hotel), we went back and regrouped enough to figure out how best to get to Navy Pier. Unfortunately, the gentleman giving directions was a bit off on how long it takes to go via subway. The 3 boys really wanted to go on the subway, so, being loving Mommies, we caved. It took an hour to get to Navy Pier because you ride 2 stops and then walk about 12 blocks. Oh, well, we ate a yummo dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and then went to ride the Ferris wheel. It was neat to be able to share stories with the boys about David's and my trip to Chicago in 2006 for our 10th anniversary. They all enjoyed the Ferris wheel- Davey says it was the best part of the trip. Back to the hotel (via bus, this time. Same price as the subway, but took us from the pier to 1/2 block from the hotel. A MUCH better method!) Quick bath, to bed and ready for the next morning. Breakfast at Corner Cafe- delish summer fruit and nut oatmeal, spectacular french toast, happy boys! Then check out of the hotel and drive to the Shedd Aquarium. Another great experience! They just reopened the Oceanarium in late May after being closed (and animals "on vacation" in Mystic, CT for 9 months)- now it is LEED certified (very "green") and houses sea lions, dolphins, otters and pygmy belugas. They do a training show/ run through for their new show opening in a few weeks twice each day. We happened to be there when they were getting ready to do one, so we lined up and watched. Again, Max fell asleep while we were waiting, but woke up shortly after we sat down and the show was being introduced. He missed the long wait (and my contorting in an attempt to keep him comfortable) and got to see the show. We saw a few more exhibits and then began our 5 hour drive back to Louisville. We pulled into the driveway a little after midnight.

BAD-
his past week, my grandmother (85 and typically described by people who meet her as "spunky", "hip" or "wild") had a procedure to remove fluid from her chest (fluid due to congestive heart failure). The pathology reports on the fluid showed stage 3B cancer (we hear this is worse than stage 4). She has endured her husband having chemo in 1988 (I think), her son-in-law and grandson-in-law battle cancer and all lost the fight. She has decided not to have any treatment and has nor begun refusing treatment for pneumonia. She is likely going to leave the hospital and move to a place where she can receive the medical care she needs or go back home with full time nursing care. Either way, the next weeks will be rough and require spontaneity on the part of the family in KY, TN, TX, NC, SC, and FL. With the beginning of school coming for Davey, J.T. and me, many of us will have to be prepared to fly (or drive) to Tampa quickly.

The cousins enjoyed each other and I am so glad they have had such opportunities to see each other so much in the past year (this makes the fifth time since August!)

Have a spectacular week and please pray for doctors, patients and caregivers!

Time for BED!!!!

Wipeout

I don't know if any of you watch "Wipeout" on ABC on Wednesday nights, but it is a must see at our house! I find it funny that the boys are so into the show and the belly laughs in response to the wipeouts. Today, I went to see what the kids were playing at our friends' house and Josie and Davey were planning and then going through a course with platforms, unsteady pieces of furniture and "Big Balls". Not to be outdone by his older brother, I went down to the basement and Max had created an obstacle course based on "Wipeout" and the Little People were competing for the top prize. He explained to me every step of the course and what the Little People had to do to advance to the next stage. It was very funny! I guess it could be worse, after all there are worse things on that kids see.... SpongeBob, for example. This summer, the only TV they have watched has consisted of the occasional "Magic School Bus", Wimbledon and the weekly "Wipeout". I attribute this to the addition of Goliath to our family.

Ahhh..... Summer

We are enjoying our summer. A lot of time spent with friends from church at the pool or in backyards grilling out. We are blessed with many people in our lives who must either like us a lot or feel sorry for us (tee hee) because we have had a very wonderfully busy past week. Between friends here in the neighborhood and friends from St. Margaret Mary, we have enjoyed many evenings of perfect weather, awesome company and yummy food on porches, decks and lawns.

Davey and Max are turning into blond pool bums (Davey even is learning a few rudimentary swimming skills, despite asking emphatically, "But WHY do I need to learn to swim?"). Davey also is learning a bit of golf at his Wednesday morning golf clinic. Max wants to do everything his big brother does, so there are a great many attempts at the monkey bars and trapeze bar on the backyard swingset, paired with "Mommy! Look at me!"

I just had a great phone conversation with my (awesome) mom. She has discovered Facebook, as so many have. It is so fun to see her having such a good time with it. I love having a mom who is also my best friend! We have fun together and have good chats about nothing, like friends so often do, just because we like talking to each other.

I hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy some peaceful summertime activities with people they love. This is what makes life enjoyable and what makes all the "not so pleasant" stuff that is also part of life worth putting up with. Thank goodness, with the summer about half over, there are still a few things planned to look forward to: a couple theatre excursions, a trip to Chicago for the Harry Potter exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry with Sherri and J.T., a few books in the "to read" stack and more things that we don't even know about yet.

I wonder what the holiday weekend has in store for us....

Summer Fun!

This week has been full of lots of things. In the past week, we:

1. Took Goliath to spend Fathers' Day with my parents (sweat a lot at a reception for the retiring Bishop of the Diocese of Owensboro, KY and at a BG HotRods - minor league baseball- game and while walking down to my dad's garden to harvest peas and blackberries).

2. Returned home to our hot house (no A/C since last Wed.) and slept in the basement to try to keep cool. It was cooler, but very humid! The A/C system was new in Sept., 2006 and replaced the original system for our 41 year old house. After much time, "discussion" with the A/C company here that installed it and $1600, we have a working system again. I feel like I was over a barrel, since we chose a Lennox system after much research on David's part and now I am stuck because this company is the only Lennox dealer in town and the part needed (NOT the labor or the 11 pounds of freon I needed TWICE, just the part) was covered by warranty, so they were the people who needed to do the work. I had the support of a couple of my "guardian angels", Ann and John Hancock, who came and helped me talk to the company and try to understand why it was supposedly fixed on Monday, but Tuesday morning, it was still 82 degrees in the house. Also, I learned that the new systems (including any system installed from now on) will use the 410-A freon, which is $30 per pound now, but will decrease in price as it becomes the standard in 2010.

3. To avoid our hot house, after our dentist appointments Monday morning, we went to meet a friend for lunch at Sonic and then over to see "Up". We all enjoyed it, I think.

4. Vacation Bible School was each evening this week from 6 to 8:30. That made for grumpy boys when I tried to wake them up at 7:30 to start a new day, or, as was the case on Tuesday, to jump into the car to chase an escaped beagle into a neighboring subdivision, only to give up and 30 minutes later hear Davey yell, "Mommy, he's back!" Goliath's escape route has been sealed, but we are not taking any chances and when he is outside alone, he is on 48' of chain.

5. VBS has been fun, inspiring and tiring. Davey is a Big Kid now, so he is in a different group than Max and I. This was Max's first year to be old enough to participate. Much better than last year, since I didn't have to spend the week in the oncology unit with a re-diagnosis of lymphoma. The boys got into the Bible stories and the music. Lots of awesome and supportive friends there, too.

6. Davey began golf clinic on Wednesday. If he decides this is something he likes, he wants a set of clubs for his birthday and he can join the golf team at school in a couple years.

7. I met a gal this week who had heard I was a widow and told me she was, too. Her husband committed suicide 4 years ago, when their son was 15 months old. She could really speak from experience about what I live daily. She and I compared stories and she shared her joy with getting remarried 3 weeks ago and her (new) husband has adopted her son. She told me to call her anytime I need an ear. God puts people in our lives to help us; in my case, MANY, MANY people!

We have had a busy week this week and I am thinking next week will seem boring by comparison! That's OK, really. Some time at the YMCA water park, a haircut and lunch with a friend and Independence Day... where did June go!?!!?!?

Please continue to pray for my dear friend, Tena and her family as they battle her dad's very aggressive thyroid cancer. They need strength and prayers.

Goliath- Take 2

Yesterday, I collected the boys (Davey has been doing a YMCA day camp this week which he LOVES!!) and we headed out on a trip to an undisclosed location. As we crossed the Ohio River into Indiana, they said, "Hey, Mommy, were are we going?"

"To Indiana."

"Why?"

"Because I need to go to a store up here."

So as we pulled into the parking lot, they acted very confused. We walked into PetSmart and the foster mom met us there. The boys had a blast playing with Bagel the beagle, who we have rechristened Goliath. We brought him back over the river to his new home. Traffic was yucky, since it was rush hour, but Goliath climbed from the back with the boys to settle into the seat next to me in the front, looking out the window and laying down to relax.

This morning, after a night in his crate, he was ready to play and see the boys. When we left to drop the boys off, I put him out in the back yard, after ensuring that the gates were securely closed. When I returned, Goliath was nowhere to be found. I got back in the car with his favorite squeaky toy, a rubber wine bottle, and was leaning out the window squeaking away. Before I even reached the next door neighbor's driveway, Goliath came bounding over to me. We came in the house and all is now well. He is snoring away in his crate (door open, he just really likes his bed!).

The other excitement around here is our A/C unit. Before our vacation, I noticed there was a message on the screen of the thermostat saying it needed a system check-up. I called and arranged for them to come when it was convenient for me (after vacation and the professional development I was attending on Mon. and Tues. this week. Little did I know how bad it was. There is a leak associated with the coil. The part is under warranty, but the labor and 11 pounds of freon are not. So, after $192 yesterday there will be an additional $725 to be paid for the completion of the job on Monday. Between vacation expenses and nearly $1000 for the A/C, we will be trying to find cheap entertainment for awhile!!! It was 80 degrees in our house last night, even with the windows open. The boys were OK and I slept without covers, but tonight, I think we will be in the basement on the futon!

Thanks for all the positive, supportive comments from so many people. I don't think I am all that "amazing" or "inspirational", but it is nice to know that people enjoy and find comfort in my ramblings.

My best to all of my "readers"!

A Well Deserved Vacation!

Whew! We arrived home on Sunday from a week in Mexico Beach, Florida with my mom and dad and my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. This was our 5th time to rent the same house on the beach (and we already have it reserved for a week NEXT summer) and it is so nice to know exactly how the house is laid out and equipped. Sherri (the best sis-in-law EVER!) and I split the groceries (we try to take as much of the non-perishables as possible with us and purchase the rest at the WalMart in Panama City.

We had a fantastic time with the sand, water, seafood and a little shopping at the little boutiques we always visit. We prepare "simple" meals, such as baked french toast with fresh blackberries and peaches, scallop pizza and artichoke hearts and scallops with spinach with risotto. We are so thankful for my mom's culinary genius, although the scallop pizza was Sherri's and my creation!

The 3 boys had the best time with the water. Davey doesn't yet know how to swim, but he was out in the surf nearly constantly, both with a tube and without. Max, on the other hand, was seen "beating up" the waves with his fist and growling at them when they crashed on the sand... too funny! J.T. had to be coaxed some days to go out in the water, but he was a big fan, too.

The boys (along with Uncle Fuzzy- my brother, John) built a large sand castle complete with moat that lasted all week. Each morning, they would want to see how much the waves had left in the moat. My mom taught the 3 boys to do drizzle turrets on the side of the castle.

One highlight was a nighttime crab walk. We saw (and caught) many ghost crabs (the white ones prolific on the Gulf coast. J.T. loved to growl at them (perhaps this is where the growling came from!?!?) and Max just kept finding them in the beam of the flashlight and saying, "There's aNOTHER one!"

It was so wonderful to see the cousins together. When I was growing up, I didn't see my cousins (I have 11 of them) very often, so I never developed a really close relationship with them, so I am so thrilled to see this friendship grow between Davey and Max and J.T. (my boys are the only first cousins he has, but he has a lot of extended family in TX). Since August, Davey, Max and J.T. have seen each other in Aug., Nov., April and June and now we have another trip (to Chicago) scheduled in July!!! Yippee!!!

We keep encountering more "firsts"- first trip back to the beach without David, first Fathers' Day without Daddy, etc. We keep plugging along, trying to recollect and share memories from past times WITH David. We talked about him when we ate his favorite beach meal, flying his kite in the Florida breeze and commenting on Davey doing exactly what David would do at the beach- float out on the waves forever. He does live on in our memories!

On a sad note, please pray for my friend, Tena's Dad. He has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and today, they met with the surgeon who told them that it is inoperable and it is very aggressive. Chemo and radiation seem to be the protocol, but that will only serve to slow things down a little. Pray for peace for Tena and her family and for insight for the doctors and researchers searching for a cure for this evil disease that doesn't seem to leave anyone untouched by it.


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I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.
-Elie Wiesel


Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.
-Erik H. Erikson

Pitiful? Pensive? Promising?

I was just trying to sleep and all these thoughts were running through my head. So, I decided that if I couldn't sleep, I may as well try to process these thoughts and the way I precess best is by either talking to someone (too late at night for that!) or writing. I have been oscillating between being hopeful, inspiring (as others have dubbed me) and optimistic one day (or moment) and completely pitiful, sorrowful and discouraged the next. From all my training in counseling in graduate school and reading since August, I know this is what one experiences when grieving. I know one day, I will not feel so lonely and that after an evening with friends, I will not go home feeling like 3/4 of a family, with a piece missing. But, tonight (and many nights) I feel like just that... like I have a piece missing.

I have been thinking this weekend about what a wonderful man David was and how blessed and lucky I was to be married to him for 12 years. I absolutely HATE that Max (and Davey, to some degree) will not know what an amazing man his Daddy was and how respected and well liked he was, what a hard worker he was, what a team player he was, how he came to be a spiritual man through many years of soul searching, how generous and giving, how calm and forgiving. I was the lucky woman to find him for my own, if only for a short time.

A friend at work told me once, when talking about our respective marriages, that hers was not a pleasant experience, in the least. She said, "Jen, better to have had 12 years of a good marriage than 30 years of crap!" I know no marriage is perfect and that there were times either David or I was frustrated with the other, but we always worked it out and we made each other the best selves we could be. I think that "best self" is what I owe David to strive to be. I have such a hard time some days doing that. I yell at the boys, I put what I want to do before what they want or need. There is no other adult in the house to take over when I am lagging, so I need to be the best I can be.

My biggest fear when they told us David was sick was that I didn't want to be a single parent. I now have no choice and I am so glad that the summer is almost here so I can devote more time to putting the pieces together and turn the 3 of us into a solid, cohesive unit that feels more complete as it is. When David died, the school year was just beginning and I am grateful for the business that comes with the beginning of the school year, a distraction that allowed me to grieve at a more "relaxed" pace, for lack of a better term. I didn't feel like I could just curl up and sulk and feel pitiful. I did some of that at intermittent times throughout the past nearly 10 months, combined with feeling a continued purpose with my students and my amazing kids. My grief was still fully felt, but perhaps a bit muted by my feeling of continued purpose. I wonder sometimes if it is easier for widows who have been married for longer and have more memories on which to reflect an in which to find comfort, or whether it is easier for those of us who still have really full and busy lives and have our kids at home to keep us focused and distracted. The hardest thing to endure, either way.

I feel like God has a plan for my future and that of my little boys. That is why I chose the scripture verse for David's grave marker which is also one I wear on a bracelet every day: "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Some would endure this experience and feel called to question God, "Why me? Why did you have to take MY loved one?!" I know there is no reason it happened, there is no reason it should happen to someone else and NOT me. Many, I am sure would lose their faith or believe that this is validation for not believing. I feel like the ONLY way I am going to endure this is with my faith and with the help of those God has placed in my life to hold me up and help me along.

I guess there will come a time when someone comes into our lives and seems to be a candidate to join our 3/4 trying to be whole, but I wonder if I can get that lucky twice in one lifetime. My boys deserve a consistent positive male influence in their lives. I am grateful every day for my dad, my neighbors and friends for the way they have risen to the occasion to offer to provide back-up for me when trying to teach an important lesson or simply provide discipline. There are and will be coaches, scout leaders and fathers of friends who will teach them many important things that I will not be as effective at teaching... sometimes moms aren't the right ones to teach some things, like how to bait a hook or how to treat a young lady. I will give it my all, but they may hear it better from someone who isn't Mom.

I knew this would be therapeutic and worth the lost sleep. I imagine there are some who will read this that will cry (as I have) and some who will comment (please do!) I feel lonely sometimes, but I also feel so surrounded with love and support that the loneliness fades a bit. Thanks to all of you who offer prayers, hugs, support and distraction from my grief. It is appreciated and certainly needed. I wondered, when all the calls, cards and meals were pouring in back in August and into the fall just what the situation would be in the spring, summer and beyond. Some would still be there and I can't than those of you who are enough!

Time for a few hours of sleep, just a few days to go. God bless you all!

Ready for Summer!!

After this weekend and tonight trying to get 2 boys who napped nearly the whole way home from my mom and dad's to go to bed, I am ready for several weeks without a place to be early every morning. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the boys love going to school, but this weekend (which should have been the end of the school year but for the "Storm Days" and "Snow Days" we had to make up from September and February) were nothing but a teaser of summer break. Memorial Day weekend was a bit earlier than usual and she school year is going a bit later than usual... only 2 more weeks!

We had a good weekend, overall. Safe travels, relaxing time with family. The boys and I took the huge step and went to the Bowling Green/Warren County Humane Society on Saturday and adopted the dog I had been looking at on their website for about a week. His name was Gravy, but we changed it to Goliath, Davey's chosen name for any dog we might adopt. He's the perfect dog for us: calm. housebroken, obedient, quiet, and a beagle that looks nearly exactly like the dog I had when I met David (Tino, our family dog we adopted when I was in high school in England). [A little side story: I used to joke with David that he met Tino, fell in love with him and decided that I came with the package and if he wanted to hang with Tino, he had to take me, too.] We brought Goliath home to my parents' house and attached him to the chain we always used for Tino. The boys cuddled him (Max "fluffs" animals instead of petting them), played with him, walked him around on his new leash and showed him the play house. He followed me "off lead" down to the play house- I was so impressed that he didn't run off. I went in a bit later to help with preparations for dinner (my parents had invited the associate priest from their church to come over for dinner). When Fr. Anthony arrived, the boys were excited to introduce Goliath. The only problem with that was that they had run inside to help make dinner and had forgotten to hook the chain back onto the collar. So Goliath had likely wondered why these people who were so interested in him vanished and tried to find us. We looked everywhere we could think of as things got darker and darker. Davey was crushed and couldn't stop apologizing. He feels so responsible. It wasn't habit yet to remember that dogs like to follow and often wander. We hadn't heard him bark and he didn't run anywhere in the time we had him, he just moseyed. I had already put the tags from the rabies shot and the microchipping on his collar, so we are hoping (and praying to St. Anthony- patron saint of things that are lost- and St. Francis- patron saint of pets) that some kind person finds Goliath and calls the toll free hotline on the tag that says Goliath is microchipped so we can have him back with us.

We arrived back home tonight, WISHING we had smelled wet dog all the way home. We now know we are ready for a dog in our family. Maybe we will have Goliath or maybe another beagle boy will be the lucky one, either way, we all learned a lesson in diligence and attention required to keep pets safe.

Enjoy your next few weeks and I hope your summer is ready to begin and will be full of many fun and relaxing plans!!!

Fun, Flowers and Family

I had every intention of getting this published last night, but I fell asleep before I could get it written. This past weekend, my mom and dad were here to see Davey play 2 soccer games. We also did a LARGE number of other things.

We started the weekend with making $83 at our neighborhood yard sale (I had to move into the garage due to the rainy drizzle). I am now without 2 small analog TVs, several games, toys, ride-on scooter type things, many board books and a few puzzles. I sold donuts, too, which were a hit. I still have 3 pipe clamps, some weights, an electric fireplace, a Roomba and a golf hand cart. If you know anyone interested in any of these things, let me know. It was funny the looks I received after answering this question (for at least the 10th time): "Don't you like the Roomba?!" "Well, I am strange this way, I LIKE vacuuming!"

After closing up the sale, with a few cars still driving around, the boys and I headed to meet my parents at Wallitch, a fantastic local nursery to find a few things for our flower beds and for the cemetery. I bought a moonvine, a cardinal climber (we always plant these at the mailbox, to twirl around the base), some portulaca (for the cemetery) and some tomatoes for the pot on the patio. Then to grab a quick lunch and off to soccer.

Davey loves to play goalie, so he was thrilled to have that opportunity for a quarter. Even though we "don't keep score, they are only beginners", St. Margaret Mary won, 3-0. At the game on Sunday, they won 3-1. They are a great group of kids who all get along and like each other. Hope this is the first of many years of this type of camaraderie!

After Saturday's soccer game, it was off to Costco, a DANGEROUS place for my AmEx card and I to go. I stuck to my list pretty well, venturing off of it to purchase strawberries, peanut butter and snacks (which will likely be for the trip to the beach, if I think Uncle Fuzzy, Aunt Sherri and, most importantly, JT will like them). I need to OK them with the TX crew.

Planting, grass mowing (my dad is NOT a big fan of my electric mower- David and I were attempting to be "green" and environmentally minded when we purchased it- I don't mind it, but I don't have much basis of comparison, it is really the only mower I have used much) and grilling steak were on the agenda for Sunday. After church, we went to the cemetery and planted the portulaca. The grass that the grounds people planted is coming in thick and hasn't been mowed, so the boys enjoyed running over it and laying on it. The end result of the weekend gardening is that I have plants in both pots near the front door, annuals to replace the bulbs that have run their course and herbs and foxglove in what used to be the sandbox. The sandbox was crushed in the Great Ice Storm 2009 (the one that caused us to me making up one of the extra weeks of school after Memorial Day)so it now has been given new life.

I went to see "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" with a friend Sunday afternoon. It was cute and my parents commented when I got home that I seemed rejuvenated. I think a little time without the boys that doesn't involve work, errands or procuring groceries is an essential element to being a loving, patient single parent, well ANY parent, actually!

Davey had his first t-ball game of the season this evening. He had fun and for one week, will be a dual sport athlete. Next Tuesday, there will be a conflict between soccer practice and a t-ball game. I guess a game outranks a practice, but I am not sure which place to be. I was proud of us because we walked to t-ball, then to dinner, then home again... perhaps that makes up for the pizza I ate at Tony Boom-Bozz (it was kids eat free night!).

Thursday is Max's end of the year program- a pj (Prayers for Jesus) party... after all, it IS a Baptist childcare center! All the kids (and presumably the teachers, too) are going to wear their jammies. Davey asked if he and I could wear ours, too. Hmmm..... whether to do that or not.... have to ponder that!

Please keep my friend Tena and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Her grandmother passed away early this morning.

Have a fantastic week and a spectacular long weekend!!

Mother's Day and Other Things

We had a wonderful time at Nolin Lake. We met my parents at the lake house of some dear friends who seem to have adopted the boys and I as their own. They babysit the boys so I get the chance do do a few grown-up things, have us over, check in on us, etc. They picked my parents up at the airport in October when they were returning from their Italy trip and delivered them to the Light the Night Walk and shuttled people to and from in August. This weekend, we played games, worked puzzles (Max is a whiz- he does 64 and 100 piece puzzles these days), sat on the porch, read, explored the locale... relaxation!

Davey is going to be reading at Mass tomorrow (this will be an improvement over his chosen activity LAST Thursday- playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" with 2 classmates). I am planning to attend, at least long enough to see/ hear him read his Scripture passage.

Things are beginning to get back to normal with David's mom and dad. Sharon fell 2 weeks ago and broke her leg just below the ball joint while cooking dinner. She had surgery, spent some time in the hospital and then was transferred to a rehab hospital unit. She went home yesterday and they seem to be making the necessary adjustments for mobility, ambulation, supervision and independence. Keep them both in your thoughts.

My mom had a check up recently and things look good there, too! Hot flashes as summer is approaching will not be fun, but Mom has a great attitude about it!

I am pleased to report that I have 16 (I think) days of work before vacation. I love what I do, VERY MUCH, but there are plans being made by me (and by the boys) of things to do this summer and things to try, not limited to: movies, Calypso Cove (the YMCA water park nearby), Cub scout camp, a week at Googey and DadDad's, trip to see JT, Uncle Fuzzy (who Davey referred to tonight as "the tallest grownup I've ever met") and Aunt Sherri, and, certainly the most nerve wracking of them all, getting a new dog. Davey wants to adopt a beagle and name it "Goliath", after the dog on the old claymation TV show "Davey and Goliath". We have been looking online at a couple local sites to see what is available at what location. Many people try to warn me about beagles, but I hat a beagle for several years, especially while my mom and dad were in China, where Tino would have been a snack for the locals.

I am running out of steam, so I will stop for tonight. There is more, I am sure, but it will have to come another day.

Parade!!!

Max had a blast with his float for the WRBC Childcare Center annual Pegasus Parade. Every year, we try to have a float that relates to an event during Derby Festival (Steamboat, Bedrace, airshow, Thunder fireworks) or something Louisville-ish (the Gallopalooza horses found around the city). This year, we chose the Chow Wagon- the food choices available on the riverfront near where the concerts are held. See if you can pick out the various delicacies available on Max's float! YUMMY!!!!

Also, for your enjoyment, photos of the boys' floats from LAST year, since I have just figured out how to download photos from the camera and then upload photos to the blog. I have had to teach myself (and get tutoring, often via phone) to do these technical tasks David used to do for us. I am handling things well, I think and trying to become a "Jane of All Trades".

Visit To Daddy

Today we went to the cemetery and then to the zoo, since it is Oaks Day and schools were out today. Here are some photos from the trip to "visit Daddy". I was so touched by my gentle Davey. He sat there with Max and talked to him. I tried to keep my distance so they could have their time together. After we got loaded into the car, Davey asked me, "Mommy, can we go tell Daddy one more thing?" So I unloaded both boys and they ran over to the stone for a minute, then gathered up some dandilions, so David would have some flowers. I guess we will be going back to plant some things. Davey wants to plant marigolds, since "Daddy really liked marigolds".

Another Whirlwind Of A Weekend!!

I finally sent the boys to bed after much stalling (I know this is typical, but it gets old!) and now I can do my Sunday evening entry.

Davey had a successful sleepover Friday night. They played Wii, giggled, played, even slept some. He called me Saturday morning around 9:30 to say good morning. It was so sweet. He even told me my chocolate chip pancakes were better than what he ate that morning. Mine are sourdough, do you suppose that makes a difference? Max and I were going to try to go to the Derby Festival Balloon Glow, but it was fairly windy, then we had an invitation to go with some friends to the balloon race Saturday morning, but it was postponed (it did eventually happen last night). We slept in and it was WONDERFUL! Max helped himself to a piece of chocolate ("But, I went pee pee, Mommy") before I woke up.

Saturday afternoon, Max and I picked Davey up and went to a birthday party for the 6 year old daughter of some friends. I felt at first a little lost, still missing the way it should be... attending these family events with all four of us! There was gal I used to teach with that I hadn't talked to since the funeral. As we were leaving the party, she said that she was sorry she hadn't called. but that she hadn't known what to say. She did offer that perhaps she should have called and said, "I don't know what to say". It is hard to know what to do under these circumstances, I know that, so, the best thing to do is to call and just say, "Hi, I was thinking about you."

After the birthday party, we were off to a celebration of the first Eucharist of the daughter of our dear friends the Hubers. It was great! Beautiful weather and we enjoyed their newly completed deck. I kept feeling as if we needed to depart, but they insisted we stay. We were the last people to leave, even after the grandparents. It is nice to feel so welcome and loved! I know I keep saying this, but we have amazing friends (both near and far). It was a late night, but a good day.

Today, we hurriedly ate breakfast, went to Mass, came home, I mowed the grass, chatted with a neighbor, gathered up the boys, went to another birthday party, did a bit of grocery shopping, ran home, cooked a dinner of hot dogs (requested, but I snuck in turkey hot dogs to ease my guilt), fruit and chips. Then into jammies, a mommy-son showing of Scooby Doo (circa 1969!) and off to bed (a LONG and DRAWN OUT PROCESS!!!! I still hear Max playing in his room, but at least he is in his room, right?).

We are gearing up for another busy week, but at least we have Friday off for Derby weekend!! Soccer practice. A soccer game. IEP meetings. Parties next weekend. It is good for me to stay busy, I do much better that way!

Watch the best 2 minutes in sports this Saturday and may your horse do well for you!

My Little Booger

Yup, that is right, I call him a Booger. I just went to check on the boys and their peaceful, sleeping (or so I THOUGHT!!!) faces. I open the door from my room to the hall and, there, sitting on the floor outside the door, is Max (The Booger) with something in his mouth. He ran down the hall to his room, laughing. I followed him and turned on his light to see what was in his mouth. He showed me... it smelled, uh, grape-ish. He had gone downstairs, opened an Easter egg and eaten a grape Jolly Rancher. I made him apologize to me for taking candy without permission. Now I have to hide the Easter eggs! NOT something I thought I would be doing nearly 2 weeks after Easter!

Counting Our Blessings, Again

Well, there is a lot to catch up on. We had a good Easter weekend at my mom and dad's. It was another "first" without David. I am faced every so often, as I was this morning, to make Max understand the finality of death, especially as I teach him about the amazing mystery of Easter. He said to me this morning, as we hulled the strawberries for breakfast, "Mommy, we will share these. Some for Davey, some for Mommy, some for Max and save some for when Daddy gets back." I asked him, Max, where is Daddy?" He said, "In Heaven." "Daddy is staying in Heaven. We will get to see him again, in a LONG time." He tried to convince me that I was wrong, that Daddy was going to be back sometime. It is so hard to know what to say to him when this subject comes up.

Another interesting event this weekend was Max's first bout with vomiting. He used to spit up a great deal, but this weekend was the first "throwing up" that we have had, at a birthday party, in his brother's room (the strawberries), at Sunday School (the goldfish and chocolate cookies that were for snack- gives a whole new meaning to "tossing your cookies"!). He then promised me that he wouldn't throw up again and I told him that if he felt like he needed to, he could. He has been dragging all weekend, until about 5:30 this evening, then he was getting back to himself. We will have to see how he is acting in the morning.

Davey has a jumprope demonstration (tricks, etc.) with the other kindergarteners plus the third and eighth graders, on Tuesday. My mom and dad will be coming for it, so we will get to see them for an overnight. He is growing up! He has even been invited for a sleepover. He is not the least bit apprehensive about it, either. We have been surrounded by so many families of his classmates and buddies, inviting him to play after school, offering to take him to the skating party tomorrow, having him sit with them at Mass while I taught Sunday School. What a community and what a great group of families. I am so grateful to have this environment in which to raise my boys. I know these families will reinforce the right values and goals and I know the boys will have good male role models in the dads of their friends!

We are beginning to look toward our summer plans. We have Derby weekend quickly approaching (Thunder Over Louisville was last night, so Derby Festival 2009 has begun!), as is Mothers' Day and the end of the school year. We have several things already planned for the summer, but if anyone is contemplating coming to see us and why we love Louisville so much, PLEASE come see us! We love to have company!!

Wishing everyone a spectacular week! Take time to count YOUR abundant blessings!!


We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count.
-Neil A. Maxwell

Count your joys instead of your woes; count your friends instead of your foes.
-Irish Proverb

God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty.
-Peter Marshall

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.
-Eric Hoffer

A Touching Mommy-Son Moment

Tonight, after Max was in bed, Davey came downstairs and told me his "eyes were watery". I asked him why and he said he had been reading When Someone You Love Has Cancer, the book I read to him the night the doctors told us there was nothing else they could do. A little later, he and I were talking about his favorite subject next to MarioKart, "Wicked" (the stage production we went to see in late Jan. during the ice storm). He asked me why Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) went into the trap door. I explained it was so she could be with Fyero. He asked why and I told him sometimes people do thing just so they can be with the person or people they love. He asked me, "Did you ever do anything so you could be with Daddy?" I told him that I got a job in Texas and didn't move to another city (like Seattle, one of my thoughts as a senior at TCU was to be adventurous after graduation and move somewhere entirely new, but I wasn't that brave, David was only part of the reason, the main reason being fear of being away from everything and everyone I knew) so I could be near Daddy. He asked, "So you really loved Daddy, huh?" "Of course!", was my response. "What did Daddy do that made you love him?", Davey asked "Did he take you out to dinner?" (how quickly they learn that food is the way to someone's heart!) I explained David took me out to dinner, to movies, gave me flowers, and made balloon flowers. The balloon flowers got Davey's attention. He told me that Daddy is probably making balloon flowers in heaven.

Can anyone tell me... should heaven be capitalized, like other proper nouns that are places, or not capitalized. I need to have an answer for the genius kindergartener in the next couple days... he really wants to know!

So, we had a nice, touching, and deep for a six year old, conversation about love and companionship and sacrifices made for the ones you love. I may have to tie things in future into the Elphaba- Fyero relationship. Many parallels to real life can be made!

Buffalo Boys at the Louisville Zoo

Here are the boys with Davey's buddy from preschool, Ben, at the beginning of Spring Break. The zoo was pretty empty... it was cold, drizzly and the u of L Cardinals were playing. We loved seeing the animals minus crowds!

The Trip, A Milestone

Well, the boys and I survived the long drive to Kansas City for a week of water slides, family time (with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law and nephew), sightseeing and catching up with a friend from college. It was our first trip (other than the shorter one to St. Louis in November) without David. It was a long drive to do alone (probably would have been better to do sharing the driving, but it went just fine- I did have to promise my friend, Melanie, today that I would not try to spread the peanut butter on the celery for the boys while going 72 miles per hour on the way home, so, instead, they ate spoons full of crunchy PB, healthy, huh?). While in KC, we rode many waterslides at Great Wolf Lodge. I was much more successful that I was in February. I even called my physical therapist on Tuesday to tell him that my hard work had paid off, resulting in little pain from the long drive and the ability to be the adult in our group who rode the slides the most. I was quite a hit with my boys, perhaps my 4 1/2 year old nephew, too!

I decided to check out what was available at Cabelas and a huge furniture store next to GWL. The night before we left, while I was packing the van and the boys were inside, I heard a crash. Like any good mother (which I think I am...), I ran into the family room to ensure the safety of my offspring and THEN noticed the lamp on the floor next to the end table in a hundred pieces. I noticed Max looked guilty (and Davey seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that anything happened), so I questioned Max (the FBI has nothing on me when it comes to interrogation!). Max admitted to having climbed on the end table and knocking the lamp off. He apologized and helped me clean up a little.

We did some sightseeing (Crown Center, Union Station, Moon Marble) and enjoyed a couple days with the Coatses. They have a boy 8 months older than Davey and one almost 4 months older than Max. The boys hit it off from the beginning.

We have seen my brother and his crew 4 times now since last June, at the beach house, in August, at Thanksgiving and now spring break. My boys only have 4 cousins, 3 on David's side and 1 on mine. Chip and Sherri and I have had to make a concerted effort to get the boys all together, usually by meeting somewhere agreed upon by everyone, but it is worth it to see the cousins together. I never saw much of my cousins growing up, the few days some summers, if they were where my grandparents were when we were visiting them from England or Alaska. I want my boys to have lots of opportunities to spend time with their family (both related and chosen).

We are glad to be back at home, in our own beds. I felt motivated enough today to go to the YMCA after church and do most of my program, not the back and abdominal section, since that is verboten per my PT,but the cardio, arms and legs portions. Then I even mowed the front yard, raked the sticks and other remaining debris from the back, but didn't get to mow the back before the rain, thunder and lightning began. The prediction for tomorrow is for snow, so we will see... hope my daffodils and tulips survive. Back to work and school tomorrow! Hope I can feel motivated to get moving for that!

Happy spring and happy Eastertide!

Relaxation

I am so glad for spring break to have arrived! The boys can't wait to see their Googey, DadDad, Uncle Fuzzy, Aunt Sherri and J.T. I am wondering how the drive is going to go. The DVD player is rigged up, the movies, books, coloring and activity books are all packed. Laundry has been done, suitcases packed... we are ready! I just hope I can drag myself out of bed when the alarm goes off!

We had a fun weekend. Sleeping in and being lazy yesterday morning and then bowling with the Hubers. Running errands, getting all the snacks we each chose (veggie chips, cheese and crackers, granola bars, apples, bananas, peanut butter in celery, all our faves). Today, we went to Mass, then to the cemetery, then to the zoo with some friends. There weren't many people there, which could be because it was cold (36 degrees!) or could be because the U of L Cardinals were playing (and losing!) right when we were there. I've always had a hard time being a Cards fan (Rick Pitino seems to have recovered from complete egotistical jerkiness, so maybe I can be a little bit of a fan, now) and I have UNC winning on my bracket, so I'm not too disappointed.

I hope I can keep the boys content and getting along and keep my sciatica from acting up too badly this week. I have a list of stretches to do and two appointments for the week after spring break, so IF I do my PT homework, I should be OK, but I am taking some pain pills, just in case.

Wishing everyone a happy spring and, if you are off this week, enjoy yourself, relax and relish in a week of fewer pressures and deadlines!

The Home Stretch!

Here we are at the beginning of another week. Only 5 more work days until Spring Break!!! This past week was a good one, overall. Here are some of the major happenings-

Max started in the Three's classroom: He is now a Ladybug instead of a Teddy Bear. The Assistant Director called on Friday and then he started in there this past Monday. He has made the transition beautifully and enjoys the bigger kids. He isn't the youngest, but I am pretty sure he is the smallest. In this class, they seem to go to the playground more (yippee!), do more "traditional preschool" things (letter of the week, sight words, etc) and Max has now decided peeing standing up is the only way to go. Hmmm...

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers are in the news: At our house, we were excited to see the Toppers beat Illinois early in the week, but then crushed to such that heartbreaker last night against Gonzaga. Oh, well, as they say, there is always next season. Davey stayed up to watch with me. We were also watching the Siena- Louisville game. I think I must be one of the ONLY people in Louisville who would like to see Rick Pitino taken down a few pegs. He has always struck me as a pompous jerk.

I have been experiencing progress with PT: When I began PT in very early Feb., I was only able to get my leg to 25 degrees off the table. On Wed. and Fri. this week, I got it to 70 degrees, with the prodding and stretching of Brad the Wonder PT. I have less pain, more ability to bend and move and, now, more frequent reminders of what I should NOT do (try to carry all the laundry in one load, not carry the groceries in one bag- use the cart all the way to the van, and just be aware of how I bend and twist). I am still hoping I will be able to do things that we have planned for Spring Break, after all, if I don't, Googey and DadDad might have to fill in.

Today, I went to a movie and shopping after with a couple buddies: Bobbie helped me pick out some new additions to my wardrobe that I never would have considered. It was fun! It has been a long time since shopping with a girlfriend! I went to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with Amy and Bobbie. Good flick! I was reminded by one gal in there what drama there can be with dating, something I have had the luxury of avoiding for the past 15 years. She was insightful and there was a character in the movie who kicks her husband out after discovering his chronic lying and after he admits he has had an affair who also seemed quite wise. You hear her at the end talking about being alone again and how it forces you to start over and reassess things. I have definitely learned a lot about myself and the people in my life over the past 9 months. I have seen who is still there, offering support, after time has passed, who has become closer, some who surprise me, and who has drifted away, some who surprise me there, too. I am not happy about the circumstances under which I have watched these relationships develop and change, but I am thankful for those people who have touched my life and those of my 2 precious boys.

Well, that is our week in a nutshell. I hope we will be able to continue to enjoy mild spring weather like we have been and play in the backyard, eat outside and see a lot of our fantastic neighbors. I am ready for the tulips, daffodils and azaleas to bloom. Spring is such a time of renewal, and we need some of that at our house!

Happy spring to you all!!

EMHE- The Backyard Edition- Part II

I have the boys in bed, soundly sleeping, and I just peeked out the window at the swingset. It was quite a sight to behold on Saturday! There were 7 guys here from shortly after 9 a.m. until about 5:00 p.m. It was like Extreme Makeover Home Edition, like back in the summer.

They worked in the cold, the drizzle and the mud to construct the swingset (photos not jet available). There was some discussion and good-natured ribbing amongst them regarding who was working in the garage constructing portions of the structure (ladders, supports, etc.) and who was out in the rain. We dried the instructions in the oven at least 3 times, not once forgetting they were in there and allowing them to catch on fire. I spoke with 2 of the wives in the mid-morning to early-afternoon and relayed messages (instructions?) to their hubbies. I told them that I did not have a husband to nag, so I was borrowing them, so I could stay in practice. There was a great deal of basketball on on Saturday, so they took an hour to get warm, grab a bite and see some hoops. They did remind me that the "important game" (Big East championship) wasn't on until 9:30. It all came together smoothly and these guys enjoy each other, so it was even fun, perhaps. One guy (Kevin, a neighbor) realized he knew a couple of the other guys (as seems to be the way in Louisville, everyone seems to know someone you know, too- it even happens to me now, and I didn't grow up here and I am not related to more than 2 people here). As an added bonus, the quarter-round trip I stained shortly after Davey was born was installed in the master bedroom. I had never seen so many dust bunnies as there were when they pulled the dressers away from the wall to nail it down! Don't worry, if you haven't moved furniture away from the wall in 8 1/2 years, you have them, too!

I was tired after they left, and I really didn't do anything but entertain, monitor and feed 3 children. I did do a little bit, like sweep out the garage, cut up the cardboard boxes to be recycled and moved the remaining parts of the old swingset to the trash. If I was tired, I imagine the guys were ready to drop!

However, somehow most of us managed to be ready to attend a party/ fundraiser for a local neighborhood swim team. I was (again) the guest of friends who make sure I have an adult social life. It was a horse racing (using rolling stools to be the horses) themed soiree. I had a great time and the boys were sleeping when I arrived home. Most of the guys who were on the construction crew were there with their wives, whom I thanked for loaning them to me for the day. Interestingly, the ladies seemed completely OK with having their hubbies out for the day. My theory: they would have been in front of the t.v. watching basketball, anyway, so this way, they knew the guys were doing something worthwhile. There were lots of people a the party that I knew, some from work, others from church- many were folks that I did not know until they brought a meal (or more) during the past 19 months, whom I now count as friends I can call on if I need something.

I felt like the deacon at church today was speaking of my experience. He was talking about our responsibility to look out for one another; that we are called to minister to the people in our midst who are in need, not only material or financial need, but in need of help, comfort or consolation. The community David and I were lucky enough to find here is so amazing, so inspiring and so incredible. People will have Davey over after school, will advise me in matters that are their specialty (and not mine) and will even anticipate needs I hadn't thought of (for example, offering to help me change the sheets so I don't further injure my back). I know they were sent to us to make it so we could keep going through all we have faced (and continue to face). It is easy to emphatically say, "Are you kidding!?!?" when I am asked if the boys and I are moving away. Why would we leave this? Our roots are right here. I am grateful to be surrounded my so many people who care about us and for us. I have never seen anything like it! If you aren't a spiritual person, I am not sure how you explain all this, but I believe our friends were placed in our lives to help us, even carry us, when we can't do it alone.

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10


When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your friends will be there


A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

Power Tools

A woman and her chainsaw, a powerful combination!! I demolished the swingset in the backyard singlehandedly yesterday... just me and my little chainsaw. Before I get lots of comments on how foolish that was, especially considering the evil herniated disk, let me assure you, I was in no more pain this morning as I was yesterday morning. The trash bin is parked at the curb, overflowing with bits of timber and there is a pile next to it that I just hope the trash men feel generous enough to take away, too, tomorrow morning.

Now, next weekend, CONSTRUCTION of the new swingset can begin. There have been several offers from able-bodied friends and neighbors, so, if you find that you are available next weekend (weather permitting), call or drop by! I have several boxes of lumber and such in the garage, just begging to be transformed into a spectacular arena of fun and frivolity!!

The boys have been busy, thus, I have been busy. Davey went to a friend's house to play after school on Friday. We all met up for ice cream after the fish fry at church/ school. The kindergarten buddies played a lot of Wii, I heard. Max and I enjoyed some quality "Mommy-Max" time. We attended a 6th birthday party Saturday afternoon (after which I became a "lumberjane", with my assistant Max). After that, with a GREAT deal of persuasion, Davey joined us in collecting sticks and other bits of storm debris. I told him that if I had to do it all myself, I might be too worn out to fix dinner, so what did he plan on making? He seemed bewildered, but, in the end helped out.

This morning, we had a hard time waking up and getting moving, due to Daylight Savings time, but we made it to Mass on time and got Max settled in at Sunday School. It happens to meet in Davey's classroom, so all I have to do is show him where Davey's seat is and he is good to go.

My book group is meeting this week. We have read The Shack. It should prompt some good conversation! My friend Ronda is choosing the new book. This afternoon, she and I were supposed to meet for a movie, but the movie limes had changed since I looked at them, so we missed it. Instead, she graciously accompanied me on a couple errands, including going to Barnes and Noble to get a gift card. While we were there, Ronda chose the next book (The Undomesticated Goddess, by Sophie Kinsella, hope I didn't spoil the surprise, fellow Booklubbers!!!). So, instead of seeing a Sophie Kinsella movie, I bought a Sophie Kinsella book.

I hope everyone has something fun planned for this week!!

Positive Influences

Over the weekend, which was a good one, overall, I have had time (and a catalyst to prompt me) to ponder the influences the people in our lives can have on us. I talked to, either by phone, electronically or in person, to several people in the past few days. Some of these people have known me my whole life, others for 15 years or more, others for only since David got sick. So many of them, in fact, nearly all of them comment on some aspect of how I seem to be doing, whether it is how I am balancing work, single parenthood and my own mental health; how great the boys are (smart, polite, kind, etc.- always good to hear about your offspring!) or just to complement me on my strength (that seems to be a pretty common one. I have learned an important lesson this weekend that has been a few years in coming, but I will get to that later.

I went to a party for the parents of first graders, hosted by the parents who live in one neighborhood nearby. On Friday, I was invited to attend, even though I don't have a first grader, it would be a nice adult night out. So, I called our favorite sitter and inquired if she was available. So, we raced from a birthday party that ended at 6, back home so I could get ready for the party. My friend, Bobbi, came by so I could ensure I was appropriately attired with the correct accessories. (Her comment was, "Girrrrl! You look HOT!" It has been awhile since I have heard those words!). I had a fun time, mostly talking to some of the other moms. Two even offered to come over today and help me change the sheets, since I am struggling with this herniated disk and routine household tasks are on the "only do if you have to" list.

I talked to (or communicated electronically with) several friends from college and the days before moving to Kentucky today. It is good to be able to keep up with friends from different parts of your life!

So, after a weekend that has afforded me lots of contact with a varied group of people, I have decided it is important to surround yourself with people who are positive influences and who add something positive to your life, not people who detract from it, or who do not bring something good to your life. Life is too short to waste too much emotional energy on negative people and negativity. I think I am doing a pretty good job as a mom, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, in all my roles in life, especially under the present circumstances. I have actually begun believing it after having a lot of people try to convince me of it for the past 6 1/2 months. I know there is always room for improvement, but confidence in yourself is a great first step.

I hope all the folks who read this feel confident in their abilities in their various roles in life, and if you don't, do some soul searching and see where you might be able to better.

Have a fantastic week and be strong!

Spelling Test and Such

Davey had his first spelling test yesterday and he, of course, earned a 100%. The list included words in the -an and -at word families (plan, man, bat, cat...). Friday, he will have the test on this week's words, the -am and -ap word families. He was so on the ball this week (after last week having to do his Monday and Wednesday homework at 8:55 on Tuesday evening, due to his mother's lack of awareness that Language Arts homework is now posted on the Internet, not sent home in the folder) and finished the "write the spelling words 3 times each" and "write 5 sentences using your spelling words" assignments on Sunday night! So tonight, he did not have homework!

I have been attempting to teach the boys about Lent and why we don't eat meat on Ash Wednesday and on Fridays in Lent and why people often abstain from something during Lent. I think Davey might understand. He is becoming really big on putting money in the Rice Bowl (a cardboard container we received to collect money for the needy in the Third World. He put $2 in there today. Am I defeating his charitable attempts by reminding him he needs to be saving something for our Spring Break trip so he has money for souvenirs? I want him to balance and do both. Maybe I should get out the kids Dave Ramsey books Chick-Fil-A gave away s few years ago and reread them with him.... I did attend Mass with him this morning. It was his first "smudging" (that he remembers), so it was nice for me. I was so pleased with his behavior in what turned out to be a lengthy Mass. He did better than most of the other kindergartners. I would expect nothing less, I might add!

Dinner with the Teacher

Last night, we had the pleasure of having Mrs. Flechler, Davey's kindergarten teacher, over for dinner. We asked her if she would come over while we were at the Spring conference last week. I have fond memories of having my teachers over for dinner (it seems like it was often something Mexican, followed by my mom's yummy sopapillas with honey) as a kiddo, so I wanted to start that tradition with my boys. Now, there are very few of my students over the years from whom I would accept an invitation to their home, but it is a very different type of clientele, not to seem to be too big a snob. So, I asked at the conference and she replied that it would be such a treat and that she had never received such an invitation before. She has been teaching at least 20 years, I would guess, so I was surprised about that. I asked Davey what he would like to have and, after some hemming and hawing, it was decided that we would make homemade pizza. I called to give directions and we were set. She arrived about 5:30 and we had not picked up and tidied like I would have preferred, but she was adamant, "I certainly hope you did not rush home to clean for me! I want to just relax and enjoy." She lost her husband when her children were in middle and early high school, so she empathizes with my struggles with trying to fit it all in in one day. We "decorated" the pizzas, one white and one red, with sausage, mushrooms, olives and artichoke hearts on the red one and chicken, mushrooms, olives and artichoke hearts on the alfredo one. We had a salad and king cake (for dessert). The boys asked for those items, specifically, so everyone was happy. Mrs. Flechler even became acquainted with the Wii and several games we have (especially MarioKart and Big Brain Academy). Max liked getting to know Mrs. Flechler, or "Fleckeley" as he called her. I think the feeling was mutual! Around 8:30 she said she needed to go because her bedtime was quickly approaching. Davey thought it was funny that his teacher and he share the same bedtime. It was such an enjoyable evening!!!

This morning, as I was dropping Davey off at school, I was more short with him than I liked, telling him to hurry, that there were lots of cars waiting behind us. He didn't want to take the cowboy boots (on loan to the music teacher for the production of "Oklahoma" in April) to the school office ("I don't want to go to the office."), so I ended up parking and taking the boots in and went down to his room to apologize. Mrs. Flechler gave me a big, huge hug, told me thanks again and told me she loved us. We are blessed to have her! I was greeted with 20 "Hi, Mrs. Albright!" and one "Hey, Mommy!" Davey had already forgiven me for my shortness and rudeness, so it was worth it!

I continue to attend physical therapy 3 days a week. There has been some improvement. I can now raise up on my toes on the left foot, where I could not 2 weeks ago, and have loss pain and more flexibility. I hope to be near 100% by spring break, if not sooner!

I have now begun the process of getting the taxes done. I wanted to try to do it myself, but my knowledge and patience are not condicive to it this year.

Tomorrow, we are expecting the arrival of the pieces and components for our new swingset (courtesy of the generosity of David's parents). It was a discontinued model on the Creative Playthings website! Yippee!! The next step is recruiting dads and other men we know who like to/ are willing to be destroying and demolishing the old, crushed set and constructing the new one. If anyone (locally only, please :o), it makes it easier) wants to volunteer themselves, their spouse or other random person, to assist with this adventure, let me know.

Here's to nearly being on the back end of the work week!!

Da, Da, Da... The MRI

Well, I went in this afternoon for the MRI. I had myself all prepared for tight quarters and loud noises. It included both, but it was not nearly as bad as I was expecting!! I got to wear loose, comfy scrubs and I was forced to do nothing but lay there and relax for 30 minutes. That is a TREAT for the working single mom!! I don't know what the official results and findings are, but I seem to be in hardly any pain, now. It seems rather odd. Should I chalk it up to being in that position? Being on a flat, hard surface? The magnetic field? The power of prayer? All of the above? Regardless, I am able to bend and pick things up off the floor (don't tell the boys, I have them convinced I can't bend over and pick up their toys!) and putting on p.j.s tonight was virtually painless.

I knew many of you would be wondering how it went. Now I just wait to hear from my doc. I have 3 PT appointments this week. I hope they all go well!

Have a great week!!

Great Time at Great Wolf

We took a brief overnight trip to the Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio Friday. The boys had fun and I enjoyed watching them get completely worn out. I am so grateful for the help from other St. Margaret Mary families who were there. It was Winter Break for the Catholic schools in L'ville. There were about 7 or 8 families from SMM who went, too. The boys and I drove up and shared a room with our friends the Straubs. They are so good to us! Rudy, the dad, took Davey on several slides that I just couldn't do with my sciatic nerve issue. I tried to go on a couple and ended up yelping like I was being tortured. Max found a set of slides he really enjoyed and could get up to so that I could watch him all the way to the entrance to the slide. He just kept going and going. He crashed on my lap before his food arrived at dinner, so he was ravenous at Waffle House yesterday morning. Davey made it through dinner, but was down for the count within 10 minutes of getting back to the room. Jennifer (Rudy's wife) was not feeling well the whole time and even debated staying back in L'ville while we all went. I am not sure if she regrets going after all, but it was good to have her there, even if we didn't actually see much of her. Now we have another trip to another GWL to look forward to with Chip, Sherri, J.T., my mom and dad. I hope the doctors and physical therapists and I can get this sciatica taken care of by April!!

I have my MRI tomorrow afternoon. I have never had any of this kind of tests before, so I only have the advice and descriptions from others to go on. All I know is that the tube is small and the noise is very, very loud. I have never had a problem with claustrophobia before, so we will see how it goes. I just hope some answers arise out of it. I am not feeling like a very effective mother with this problem hanging over me. This weekend, Max did tell me frequently that I am "the best mommy in the 'woild'!" I can't hear that enough these days!

I received several calls and cards from people wishing me a good Valentine's day. I guess since it was my first without my usual Valentine, it warranted special wishes. I appreciated them greatly. The boys and the trip helped keep me distracted yesterday. I think in many ways, Valentine's day has become more and more of a kids' holiday. It was really great to get packages from both Tena and my parents with some goodies for the boys AND some for me, too! My mom knitted me an amazingly soft red sweater. I got a fantastic quilted pillowcase handmade with love by Tena, too. They are both creative and love me so! I enjoy benefiting from their creativity.

I hope everyone felt especially loved this weekend and that it carries on for a long while!

A Milestone

Well, as of Monday, we will have survived 6 months since David died. The boys and I are doing well, I believe. I still expect David to walk through the door some nights while I am making dinner. I wish I could get his advice on things around the house or with the boys, but I only can guess about what he would say. I feel bad that I haven't gone out to the cemetery more than I have. I have been busy and it isn't close to where I usually drive, but is is something I feel like I should be doing more often, it is just so hard to go alone. I am not sure what to do. I guess it would get easier if I went more frequently. (pardon the interruption, I had to get a tissue...) I imagine I miss him more than anyone, I am not sure how people who didn't see him every day, like I did, have done with losing him, but I know my family misses him greatly.

It was a little humorous, and a little sad, to have my doctor tell me she knew that telling me to rest as much as possible to recover from this pinched sciatic nerve was a bit unrealistic. She has known us since Davey was nearly one, so she is well aware of the circumstances. I will have an MRI (my first) next Monday.

The good news about the pain and discomfort I have been feeling in my left leg is that the steroids seem to have helped and now the PT is ready to start working on me. Also, the work to be done on the van will be done on Tuesday, so I can go get a car wash to truly rinse away the remaining salt that the winter storm left behind.

I have an appointment to get the van worked on (to replace the trim on the liftgate where I tried to back into the garage while it was up... you know to save time instead of closing it, backing in and reopening the back... not one of my most brilliant moments!) and I have arranged a ride to get to work and back to pick it up. But, now Davey's conference is in the middle of the time when I will be without a car. Hmm... as my mom said, I have tomorrow to figure that out. Speaking of Davey's conference, I still am torn about whether I want to see him challenged more academically or whether it is more important for him to feel part of the cohesive unit of his class. He says to his teacher "no thanks" when she offers more difficult work to do in reading and math. He wants to do what everyone else is doing.

I have been looking into new backyard swingsets/ playsets since ours got destroyed in the ice storm 2 weeks ago. It is toast, maybe good for firewood, but little else. It seems ToysRUs has some on sale now, but they are still at least $800. I hesitate to buy something that I haven't seen, just a picture on the computer or in the advert.

I am reading The Shack for my bookgroup. It is a book that my mom had recommended to me about a year ago, but I had shied away from due to its topic. I am enjoying it (when I can stay awake... but I am staying off the muscle relaxers at the suggestion of my PT and using only Aleve, so I should be able to read more at a sitting, now). It is making me think about my questioning of God's plan and why God "lets" bad things happen.

Tomorrow, I will be thinking (even more than usual) about David and about the many lives he touched. I just keep hoping the boys will have some memories of him. Davey seems to and Max just keeps saying "night night, sleep tight, turn off the light" when we blow kisses to Daddy at bedtime. I don't remember David saying that, but perhaps it was part of the Daddy- Max bedtime ritual? I hope those of you who knew David will share your favorite memories of him with me so I can share them with Davey and Max in the years to come. Tena is still planning to compile memories of David into a book for the boys. Please send them to her at: worthycubed@yahoo.com.

Thanks and have a fantastic week!