Getting Back In Touch

Just a quickie tonight. I had a very awesome phone call last night. I talked (for nearly an hour and a half) with a friend from high school (the only friend from back then I still am in contact with) and it was so great! It was like we had just talked a few months ago, not 18 years ago. She is living in Baltimore and had 3 kids. We talked about motherhood, the old days, David's last months, God, our faith, our families... It was the highlight of my week! I can't tell you how it has impacted me and lifted my spirits.

This morning, we didn't wake up until 7:15 (we need to leave the house by 7:30 if Max is dropped off first, 7:40 if Davey is dropped off first). Everyone was where they needed to be by the time they needed to be there, so it turned out ok, but we were flying!

Tomorrow is Davey's school Christmas party and I am ready with craft activities and the other 2 room moms are armed with games, goodie bags and food. The only parents allowed at the party are the room moms.

I still look forward every night to the snuggles and cuddles from my little fellows. They are the lights of my life!!

Firsts of Sorts

This past weekend had several firsts, some more major than others.

First sleepover: We all went to Josie's birthday party, at a hotel, so everyone got to swim, play cornhole (Max's favorite), play Foosball (a new passion of Davey's since attending the Y program after school with some older boys who have taught him the finer points of the game), have scavenger hunts, and dum dum daaaa... Davey spent the night away from me!! They were up until midnight, but he kept proclaiming he got "plenty of sleep".

First major "owie" for Max: Saturday morning, Max was helping make the sourdough pancakes and dropped a glass bottle of Mexican vanilla on his big toe, right after I said, "Max, don't drop this." Of course, I had been picturing trying to clean up shattered glass and vanilla, not comforting my 3 year old with a purple toenail.

First time Max told someone he needed to go potty: He will now let us know when he needs to go. Now I can't wait for "First poop in the potty"

First new sheets for the "solo" bed: I know, not a big deal, but it IS weird knowing David never slept on these sheets. They are very soft, but still in a color he would approve of... not pink and not floral.

Davey's first Santa's Workshop: He shopped for Max and for me. Again, I always thought he'd shop for 3 people, not 2.

My mom is doing well with the radiation, by all reports. Thanks to all of you who ask how she is doing. She chuckled when she told me she had gotten her tattoos. She's one of the last people who you'd ever expect to have a tattoo!

I am making plans for the kindergarten Christmas party. They will be making houses using milk cartons and graham crackers because kids really love doing that and I couldn't come up with a better idea for the amount of time we have. I did see a couple cute ideas in Family Fun magazine that I am toying with.

I still keep feeling like David will be coming home from the hospital any day now. I am not sure if I am still getting used to things or what. It has been cold and the coldest seems to be coming tonight. I imagine David being cold and lonely at the cemetery while we are warm in the house. I know that is stupid, that he doesn't feel cold OR lonely, but I can't seem to get the image out of my head sometimes, especially when my mind isn't otherwise occupied. I am just waiting for a Christmas card from someone who didn't know what happened until they received our card. I know it is bound to happen.

I guess that is about it for the moment. Only 4 more days!!

Charity

I did it! I took a bunch of pants, t-shirts, sweaters, sweatpants, etc. to a local homeless shelter when I was downtown for meetings today. My friend, Lisa drove us over there and she dropped off some things, too. It was cold and I felt good knowing there would be people who needed these things a great deal more than I did. There are some items of clothing I might NEVER be able to part with (the lounge pants/ pajama pants David practically lived in from June on, a couple pairs of shoes and the golf shirts that were his staple for work days). I am still hoping to make (or have made) another quilt using his clothes. We have one from when he had his colon resection in August, 2002.

Pottying continues to go well. I am busy doing Christmas cards (there are a few people who will receive the card and not know at first why there are only 3 names in the card. I have to include an explanation in those.)

I have ordered a trundle bed for Max's room. Bunks were just going to be too overwhelming size-wise in his smallish space. The boys are excited about sharing sometimes.

Only 6 more days of work until the break!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three Years Old!

We had a fun weekend! Friday afternoon, Googey and DadDad came to celebrate Max's big day. We had one of Max's favorite dinners and chocolate cake with ice cream. Later, Ryan called to see what we were doing. He and Logan came down for cake and ice cream while he finished opening presents. Then, Saturday morning, we went to Derby Dinner Playhouse for breakfast and "Frosty's Magic Hat". That night, we had friends (the Straub family) over for chili and tree trimming. What fun to share that with good friends! Sunday afternoon was the birthday party, a low key event with 3 friends, playing, making pirate costumes and pizza and cake.

Max has been doing so well with the potty training. Only one accident (usually at home) each day since Thursday, and none today! Yesterday, the wet pants were at the pediatrician's office before his 3 year old check up. He managed to leave a sample in the cup for the lab, though. Apparently, about half of the 3 year olds are able to do that.

Davey lost his second tooth at the Frosty play Saturday. He now has had 2 visits from the Tooth Fairy, one the day before Thanksgiving and then this weekend. The T.F. has brought 2 different kinds of gold dollars, a Sacajawea and a John Quincy Adams. Pretty cool, to quote a certain 6 year old!

Tonight, I had the opportunity to go out with my book group, thanks to our friends, the Hancocks. They came and ate with the boys, played and got them in bed. I am so grateful to them!! Again, there are so many people who make it possible to keep life as close to normal as possible!

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-Christopher Robin to Pooh

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you."
-Charlie Brown to Snoopy

A Successful Day!

Today (after last night, due to peeing on the floor, had to stop watching "Backyardagans" mid-show, go upstairs to bathe and go night-night early, making Mommy feel like the Meanest Mother On Earth) Max had a very successful day today. When I picked him up today, he was in the same clothes I dropped him off wearing! And no extra laundry to do. Yippee! He did have an accident before leaving home this morning and this evening while Mommy was distracted making dinner, but STILL... Maybe he realized he will be 3 tomorrow and better figure this out!!

On a gloomy note, my friend, Cindy, who is one of the teachers I work with, found out today that her cousin, whom she is close to, likely has lymphoma. Evil, evil disease, but they are hopeful. She will probably start chem soon. She had low blood counts, a cough and a mass showed up that is putting pressure on her lung. Sounds very familiar, unfortunately!

So, happy birthday to my little snuggle monster!! Have a great weekend!

Mothers...

It is amazing how being a mom (or a dad) can change your opinions and perspectives, huh? I was talking to the mom of one of my students about being in a restaurant where there is a kid screaming/fussing/yelling/etc. before having kids of your own versus the same experience when you are just grateful that (this time) it isn't your kid causing people to turn and stare. I think about the things I either said I wouldn't do or never occurred to me that I might need to do. Teaching (training?!?!) your child to pee in the toilet and all that is involved with that is something you don't think of much when you are planning to have a baby. You think of the sleepless nights, the spit up, the wiping their little heinies, but not so much about the strategies and anxiety that goes with potty training. I was determined this morning that Max WOULD pee in the miniature toilet in his classroom before I went on to work. So, we (the Royal We) sat for a few minutes, until he said, "I will pee-pee in 5 minutes." Then he went to play for a few minutes, then sat again. We repeated this process 3 times and he did go before I left, as I had proclaimed so boldly. I was nervous about what I would hear when I arrived to pick him up and how much laundry there would be. He had "a couple accidentals" as his teacher put it. But he was still in the clothes her was wearing when I left. She suggested that we go cold turkey and just do real underwear (thank goodness Sherri gave us 6 pairs of Elmo sports and Nemo underwear! Thanks, SIL!!!) So, tomorrow, he will be without a safety net! Yipes!!

The other "Mother" related thing is that my mom will begin radiation next Monday. The radiation oncologist predicts 5 days a week for 6 weeks. She is a great role model to me of taking this in stride and doing what needs to be done. In spite of all the chaos that has been going on in her life, Thanksgiving was great and perfect (well, except for one major and obvious absence).

There is a neighbor who has offered to come this week and put up the lights on our house. I am not really much help, since David always did it (last year, he gave instructions about where things went and the minute details to get it as he wanted). It may be different this year, but that might just be ok, maybe even a good thing.

Max is homing in on the big third birthday. He likes to tell anyone who will listen that he is having 3 friends at his party, and who the "chosen ones" are. Davey has his last chess club meeting tomorrow, so he will be hitting up any available individual to play against. Davey lives for "Mommy-Davey time" after Max is settled in for the night. Sometimes we play a game (chess, checkers, Battleship, etc.) or read or do homework or watch a show (last night, it was "Shrek the Halls" and "The Grinch"). I think is is very important for each of them to get a little time with me by themselves. Tough to do, but every kid, even with 2 parents, needs some time where it is just them and their parents- special time where they are the only focus. I see too many kids who will do anything to get their parents' attention and feel like they have someone to listen to them. Parents should be that person for their kids, otherwise the kid will find someone else who will listen and THAT is where trouble can begin.

OK, enough with the parenting lecture. I will retire my soapbox for the night and go to bed. I wish everyone a peaceful and happy Advent.

The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering. ~Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care

In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time. ~Author Unknown

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot

PottyTime!

We had a wonderful super-long weekend. We headed to Mom and Dad's Tuesday and Chip and Sherri and J.T. were already there. We began the toileting on Wed. morning. Every hour and a half, I took Max to sit on the toilet (either the little one or the full size one), not always entirely willingly. He did pretty well, overall. I got tired of doing laundry, but the plastic pants and cloth training pants are the way to go, in my opinion. We ventured out to see horses at a small farm, and there was pottying, followed by M&Ms, went to do a little shopping, again there was pottying, and we went to church on Thursday and Sunday... we get good at finding the restrooms wherever we went.

On other activities not related to the restroom, we all went to see "Bolt" in 3D. I think everyone enjoyed it, even my dad, who is not much of a movie-goer. I got some shopping done online for both boys. Food was delicious, of course, and we all got to have a choice of pie that appealed to us (pecan, pumpkin, apple-cranberry or chocolate).

The boys really enjoyed seeing their cousin! The boys laughed together, played, ran (even when told REPEATEDLY to NOT run inside), jumped on the beds (another no-no)... generally did all those things cousins are supposed to do. I love that they get to spend time together even though there's 13 hours between us. Family MUST be a priority, or things like this often do not happen.

Next on the schedule is getting ready for Max's 3rd birthday on Friday. Treats for his class, a small party (3 friends when you turn 3 is the rule at our house) and celebrating with Googey and DadDad.

Max and Davey were excited to be back at school today. Max was not as successful today as he had been before. At home, I told him he had to go potty before dinner, and success!! But, tomorrow is another day! I hope it is a potty-filled (and diaper-free!) day!

At Last!

We are on the verge of a glorious 5 days off to spend with family and give thanks. Despite the "yuckiness" I have been through since last Thanksgiving, I am somehow able to see the many blessings I have in my life, beginning with my 2 wonderful, (near)perfect, brilliant, loving and resilient boys! I have more friends that care deeply for me and the boys than I can count. My boys, family, friends and faith are what has pulled me through thus far and I hope these things will get me through the next few days, weeks, months and years.

All that said, allow me to reflect on the weekend. We stayed busy! Friday evening, we ordered pizza (thanks to a gift card given to us) and hung out with our neighbors (Bobbi, Kevin, Josie, Ryan and Logan). The kids got to play with/ observe Kevin's dad's Lionel train from 50+ years ago. We were home late and everyone in our house slept in until 8:30! We enjoyed our typical Sat. morning sourdough chocolate chip pancakes, watched a little t.v. and played in the basement. I managed to go through boxes of clothes and discover an entire 3T hand-me-down wardrobe for Max and box up 3 boxes of outgrown clothes for consignment. Davey had a birthday party to attend, which Max and I crashed (it seems that single mommyhood requires one sibling to get dragged to the activities of the other). After the party, we went to Bobbi and Kevin's for another, larger, get-together for appetizers, drinks, games and fun. Again, a late night for the boys, but we were up again on time for a rushed breakfast (if you can call it that) in the car on the way to Mass. After church, we went to Costco and Wendy's and then home. I felt such a sense of accomplishment with this NEXT activity. The boys helped (using that term a bit loosely) me rake and collect the leaves in the backyard into piles. Their job was to use the little wheelbarrow to consolidate the pile into the jumping pile. They did that until they got bored and cold, then they went inside. I continued on to fill 11 yard bags with leaves and not even touch the front yard. The boys did pop out occasionally to check on my progress and only complain about each other a little. Afterward, we enjoyed hot chocolate, leftovers and bedtime stories. I am definitely ready for a break!

This is the weekend I plan to get Max out of diapers, at least during the day. His third birthday is swiftly approaching and I will have reinforcements named Googey, DadDad, Uncle Fuzzy and Aunt Sherri, not to mention my little role models on the "how", "when" and "where", Davey and J.T. Wish us luck!!

I did manage to get into the shopping part of the preparations for the holidays at Target the other day. I think you can't help but get caught up in it at Target!

I wish you all a peaceful and gratitude-filled Thanksgiving and thank you again for your kindness, love and support!

College Plans

You all may find it strange or unusual that a 6 year old is talking a great deal about college, but ever since this past weekend when we watched the UK (that would be Kentucky, not Kansas)vs. Vanderbilt football game (a huge rivalry, is seems), Davey has been contemplating his collegiate future. He has decided that he would very much like to attend Vandy. Yesterday, he asked me how old people are when they go to college. This afternoon, he said he only wanted to go if I could go with him. I told him that he would live in a big building kind of like a hotel of only college students. He thought that sounded good, especially when I told him he would have a roommate. He put it together that there could be bunk beds. He has been really pro-bunk beds lately, so a roommate and bunks sounded really good to him. He said to me, "Do you think I could sleep on the top one night and on the bottom the next night?" I told him he would have to talk to his roommate. His response was, "Will it be a boy roommate or a girl?" I told him a boy and he said, "Good! I think that would be better." He has decided that St. X (Saint Xavier High School, for those not familiar with the Louisville Catholics HS- It has a very good reputation for academics, character development and athletics) and Vandy are his choices, at least for now. Our friend, John Huber, went to both, so he is looking to follow in some awesome footsteps.

Another funny thing that happened over the weekend, that I forgot to mention... Max is utterly convinced that Santa lives in a gingerbread house.

I managed to get in the holiday spirit this afternoon. I went to Target to do a bit of birthday (Max will be 3 in 15 days, so I needed to get going!) and Christmas shopping. I supported the economy a bit, so a recession cannot be blamed on me! I was excited that I had gotten into it. I have some more to do for Davey, but there will be no lack of inspiration there, since he has been circling things in catalogs for the past few weeks.

There is a kick off the holidays "thing" near here tomorrow evening with Santa, fireworks and hot chocolate, so we may go to that. Davey has a birthday party to attend and we have a neighborhood get together that was tentatively planned for Saturday. Then, next week, we get to see my brother, sister in law and nephew!! Yippee!!!

Whew!

Well, one day down and 8 more until Thanksgiving Break! We had a good weekend. My mom is doing well after a lumpectomy last Thursday. Things look positive, but we wait (prayerfully) for the doctor's follow up visit on Friday. The boys, DadDad and I went bowling on Saturday so Googey could rest in a quiet house. The boys got to have Culver's for lunch, which is a treat since we don't want to drive to the one here (it is a bit far from home).

Today, I felt like I really earned my paycheck! I got headbutted by a student, so I had to keep him from hurting me, himself or his classmates. At least that was as far as it went today. I had a lunch that turned into a therapy session with Amy and Bobbi. It is good to have friends to talk to, hug, cry with, etc.

This evening, we had Ryan and Logan over for Italian Beef, spinach egg noodles and green beans (apparently, these are Logan's favorite veggie. Who knew?). Josie was over playing, so she tried some meat (and, amazingly, she liked it... she doesn't like anything new), then Bobbi and Kevin came over to get her and stayed to eat. The kiddos all decided to put on a puppet show (which will have to be continued on Sat. Apparently, we are now all getting together Sat. evening.) It turned out to be a good day... I still wish David were with us to enjoy it all.

Davey has been a bit sad the past 2 evenings. He has gotten teary and told me he misses Daddy. He tells me he wants to sleep with me because he loves me and it's lonely. What should my stance be on making him stay in his own room? His habit has become that he will come in in the middle of the night (presumably when he gets up to go to the bathroom) and crawl in with me. I am not sure whether to put a stop to it immediately or cut him some slack.

On another bed question, David and I had discussed getting bunk beds for Max's room when he outgrew the "toddler bed" (either physically or developmentally). Davey thinks HE needs the bunk beds in his room. There is no space for a full bed in Max's room, but there is in Davey's. The idea was that when people came to visit, guests could be in Davey's full bed and the boys could sleep in Max's room. I attempted to explain this to Davey and the space logistics. I think he understands. So now the question is the WHAT and the WHEN. Do I get bunks or a trundle? DO I do this for Max's birthday (in about 3 weeks) or wait?

It is good to think about seeing my brother, sister-in-law and nephew for Thanksgiving, but I am having a hard time getting excited about Christmas. I don't feel like doing a tree, shopping, putting up lights, any of it, but I know the boys need it and deserve it. I hate the idea of decorating the tree without David. Even as messed up as things were last year, we managed to do the tree. I am not inspired for gifts for the boys, but I know that is not what it is about. I want to still see the joy and magic that they will(hopefully)see in the Christmas season.

Davey will be getting his first report card soon. I am excited for him. He has done well. All 100s except a 99 in Spanish and a 95 in Art. Good for him! I am still getting adjusted to making lunches and supervising homework. I do wish I could get him to do homework as soon as we get home, but the pattern has developed that he does it between when Max goes to bed and when he goes to bed.

I think that is enough rambling for tonight. Please comment or reply regarding the bunk bed vs. trundle and any advice for getting into the Spirit of the Season. I will take as much advice as is provided. Thanks, as always, for your love and support!!

A Fun Night Out

I went out to dinner this evening with about 40 moms of St. Margaret Mary kindergarteners. It was one of the most fun evenings I have had since August, well, maybe even since before that. What a neat bunch of gals and what a treat it was to splurge on a sitter and a nice meal, especially on a school night! Thanks to Suzy for the Ruby Slipper and to all the gals who made it! Let's do it again, soon!!

An Angel

A very mysterious thing happened to me yesterday. I have this awesome green raincoat that I bought at a consignment store here. I have worn it almost every day since Saturday. Yesterday, I reached into the right pocket and there, among the 2 Tootsie Roll pops, a tissue and my ID badge from work, was a coin-sized token with an angel on one side and on the reverse, it says "strength". I have no idea how is got there, but it had not been there when I left for work and was digging in my pockets for my car keys. Hmmm..... After the things I have been living with lately, I would say strength is an appropriate mantra and this is an appropriate touchstone. Whether someone earthly placed in my pocket or it appeared by some other more mysterious method, it doesn't matter. It touched me and I love having that in my pocket.

A Quickie

Ok, not what you'd expect from a "young widow" as I have been called a fair bit lately. There are no "quickies" in my life, especially seeing as everything takes longer than it used to these days. There is always more that I need to do (laundry, cook, clean, pack lunches...) an want to do (reading with and cuddling with my boys, "Boston Legal", phone calls, reading, blogging...) than there are hours in the day! So this will be brief, I hope!

Work is good. I still love it, even with the chair throwing, poop smearing, hitting, biting, scratching, etc. going on with 2 of my students. It is very rewarding.

We are getting along ok without any meals coming and with me doing my own mowing and leaf removal. It is a slow process, but very rewarding when it is finished.

I hired a sitter to come so I could join a friend at a showing of "Secret Life of Bees" on Sunday afternoon. I will be doing it again tomorrow night so I can go to a Moms' Night Out with the kindergarten moms. It should be fun!

David's last group at work has collected a chunk of money for the boys' education fund. We continue to be blessed with amazing support from people who care so much about us!

I saw this at one of my schools and it has stuck with me so I will share it.

"Decide to be happy today, to love with what is yours- your family, your business, your job, your luck. If you can't have what you like, maybe you can like what you have. Just for today, be kind, be cheerful, agreeable, responsive, caring and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, look for the bright side of things. Praise people for what they do and don't criticize them for what they can't do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, it's just for one day. Who knows? It may turn out to be a nice day."

Grey's Anatomy

I watched "Grey's" tonight. I don't know if anyone else follows it, but I have been a loyal viewer since Season 2. I haven't had any issues with watching it so far this season... UNTIL TONIGHT. There was an older couple who had been blissfully married for many, many years. The wife had a brain tumor and was having a risky surgery to try to remove it. She signed a DNR order and when she is slipping away, her husband loses it and wants to try anything they can to save her. It brought back some thoughts, feelings and memories of having to watch David slip away. I am so grateful that the doctors and staff turned the monitors off so we would not have to hear the beeping and that continuous tone when the heart and breathing stop. I was urging the docs on TV to turn those monitors off and not torture that poor man, having to listen to those beeps and hums. I didn't cry, but I was thrown into a flashback from August. It still is hard, yet at times comforting to see David in the pictures on the wall and on the dresser. I know I need to go through the closet and David's dresser, but I can't seem to get to the point that I can do it. I know there is no rush, but as the days turn colder, there is someone who needs these long pants, flannel shirts, sweatshirts and sweaters much more than I do! Anyone locally have a suggestion of a place to donate clothes? Wayside? St. Vincent dePaul? Let me know your suggestions!

Compensation

God, I have known sorrow-
I have stood by helplessly,
as fate like a madly rushing, rising river,
Sullen and ruthless, swept from me everything worth
buying at life's mart;
Baby eyes, slowly clouding with death,
have pleaded for life,
As I stood by anxious and sorrowing,
but oh! how helpless.
Sorrow has squeezed my heart dry of all emotion,
Even the tears are gone from my eyes,
I smile-I smile, but God, I have known sorrow.

You have been kind, dear God, for I have known love-
Not mere white, hot passion, but a love so possessing,
Consuming, that no sacrifice was too great to keep it;
A love that hid me from every hurt,
taking me in its strong, tender arms
Up to a land peopled with fairies,
and carpeted with pale hyacinths.
I willingly bear the the loneliness-the sorrow-
Since I have known love.
-- Ruby Berkeley Goodwin

Family Time

It has been a little while since the last post, so I will try to hit the highlights.

FLU SHOT- I took Max for his flu shot last week. I took a sick day to do it, but a meeting was scheduled for me on that day. So I worked part of the day and then went to do his shot. We arrived at the pediatricians' office and discovered that "shot hours" had just ended until later in the day. I guess I looked crushed, because the pediatrician there at the time (the amazing Dr. Lori Rust!!) said she would give it to him anyway. They are such a great group. She was one of the 2 doctors there who came to the funeral home. It was awesome to have 2 docs and the dental hygienist come to the visitation just because they saw it in the paper! Max got the "snort up the nose" version (Flumist), so it was relatively painless. Then he went back to his class for nap time and I went on my way.

HALLOWEEN- I went to Davey's class party, as one of the 3 room moms. We had fun and I was in charge of the craft. We made eyeball ornaments out of glass ball ornaments, felt and a red Sharpie (for the veins in the bloodshot eyes). They seemed to be a hit! After the party, Davey and I came home and we met my mom and dad. Mom and Dad and Davey planted over 150 bulbs! So in the spring, when I have tulips, hyacinths, daffodils and other flowers, it will be thanks to my parents' hard work on Halloween! A little later, we collected Max (if we had gone right away, he would have missed most of their party, they partied after nap time). We all got ready to go to the Chitwoods' party and trick or treating in the 'Hood. Needless to say, Halloween lacked a little something this year, but I am glad we did not have to go trick or treat on the Oncology floor of a hospital.

ST. LOUIS AND ILLINOIS- We went on the trip to St. Louis that David and I had been planning since Spring, 2007. Davey had gotten interested in the Gateway Arch and really wanted to see it. About 1 1/2 hours from St. Louis is my dad's hometown, so it was logical to visit my grandparents on the same trip. In Aug., 2007, when we planned to make this trip, and attend Grandpa's 90th birthday celebration, both David and Grandpa were in the hospital. SO we did not make it. So, we decided to make the trip in July, 2008. Again, David was in the hospital. Davey would get excited about the trip when we would start talking about it again, only to be bummed when it didn't happen. I have now done my best to not put things off that involve making memories with and for my boys. This is why, even though I always said I would not take my kids out of school for a trip (we would plan around school breaks), Davey ended up missing 2 days of school. I was off on Mon. and Tues., so it seemed like the right time to go. Originally, Davey had Tuesday off, too, but after the power outage, they added Election Day back onto the calendar. After receiving the go-ahead from Davey's teacher (and her laughing, "Jennifer, he will be more than fine!") we went ahead with our plans. We left early Saturday and stopped in Evansville, IN for breakfast and made it to SL by 12:30. Our hotel was the Hyatt across from the Arch. I highly recommend it!! Our first stop was the Arch itself. We saw a movie about Lewis and Clark- very well done. Informative, educational and entertaining. Then up in the Pod to the top of the Arch. Very cool! The Pods are quite cozy! I don't recommend it if you are claustrophobic! After the Arch, we went to the Budweiser brewery to see the Clydesdales (Max is still talking about one horse named Thomas who pooped. I admit, big horse= big poop, but little boys are fascinated with excrement, aren't they??) and our free beer sample. Then to the Hill (St Louis' Italian neighborhood) for Italian grocery and a great Italian meal. My mom found me a bottle if wine. The label says "Mommy's Time Out", hmmm... so try and potentially needed some quiet Sunday evening, if such a thing exists. After the dinner, we DID make a trip to Ted Drewes for custard concretes. They are on the old Route 66 and have been around forever. Yum!! Sunday morning, we arose and went to Mass at the Cathedral. Beautiful mosaics everywhere!! After church, we were off to Trader Joe's. I had never been, but now I know what the hype is! Then, off to lunch at the Schlafly Tap Room (delicious fish and chips!!) and then to City Museum to partake in the art, circus/ magic show and gargantuan jungle gym! Amazing! Whew! THEN it was time to load people into the van and head for Illinois. We arrived in time to have pizza with a couple of my aunts and chat a little with them and my Grandparents before heading to the motel for baths and bedtime. Monday, we had only planned to drive to Springfield to see the Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. The displays in the museum are truly inspired. Amazing use of film and technology! We each chose a souvenir from the gift shop. Then we headed back to Grandma and Grandpa's house to get ready to go have the chicken dinner at the American Legion. After more family visiting time, I rounded folks up so the buy could get in bed. The trip home was uneventful and we were so glad to get home to our stuff and our house.

BACK TO ROUTINE- We all went back to our school routine fairly smoothly. We have reached the point where we need to get back to doing a lot of the upkeep and cooking. I mowed the grass myself this afternoon and both Tues. and Thurs. this week, I have' will be back to doing dinner. Thank goodness for the meals YUM brought in June and July. Well, the Ambien is kicking in! Take care and enjoy your friends and loved ones! They are the mirrors in our lives into which we should look once in a while to get an honest feel for our lives.

Curiosity

By the way. I would love to find out who all is following the blog. Send and email to d2albright@gmail.com and let me know your name and city. For example, who is in Shelbyville, KY? Or Alton, IL? Noblesville, IN? Cabot, AR? I know who some of you are, but not everyone. I would be curious to see who is out there thinking of and perhaps praying for us.

Counseling- Both Professional and Not

Some things happened in the past 5 days that have made me think long and hard about what grief and grieving are "supposed" to look like and how a "grieving widow" is supposed to behave. This weekend, I have had a number of conversations regarding that subject and taken a great deal of time to explore these questions. I talked to my mom, my grandmother (a widow of 20 plus years), and several friends to gather their input on the subject. I have concluded that there is absolutely NO timeline nor protocol for grief behavior. If something or someone in your life provides comport and helps you heal (and does not cause harm to you), then that is a good thing to have in your life. I have many people in my life that help each day to be better than it would be without them. I am so blessed by those people and they are angels in my life and the lives of my boys.

We got the pumpkins (5 of them) carved or decorated on Saturday evening. Then I fell apart. I was extremely sad and lonely. I can truly see how people can get addicted to and dependent on alcohol to dull the pain! I can see how people engage in destructive behavior to fill the void. I am grateful to the people who supported me that night and enabled me to work through the pain and anger I felt.

Well, the professional verdict is in. Davey and I had an intake session yesterday afternoon with a counselor from Hospice. After talking to us for about 90 minutes, she proclaimed our support network (both family and friends) to be quite enviable and able to make professional counseling unnecessary at this time. She said there is nothing counseling could provide that we are not already getting from family, friends and coworkers. Her only recommendation was to make sure I went to consult with my physician given my new circumstances. She seems to have given Davey food for thought. She asked us to make a list of things that are different now. Davey said to me this afternoon that he had thought of more things that are different now. We will be going to a couple group activities that Hospice is offering over the holiday season.

I had a nice time last night at my book group dinner. We went to a nice restaurant and I really enjoy these ladies! The boys got to go to Sonic and hang out with 2 grownups who really care about them. You can never have too many people around you who care about you. We are blessed with so many of those people! It has become very clear who the people are who are on your side and who support you!


"Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart."
Proverbs 27: 9

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:80

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Fall Festival

Well, the day began with a little drama. After my shower, I was getting ready and there was a flash of lightning, a clap of thunder and the lights went out. So, I woke the boys up (by flashlight), we ate breakfast (cereal, not the "Craisin cereal I had promised, by candlelight), I finished getting dressed and tried to do hair and makeup without a hairdryer or lights, and off we went. I did have to get some assistance with the garage door opener. I called my next door neighbor, no answer, and then called Ryan to ask for help. He advised me (I am learning things I need to know in cases like this... hard to get the car out of the garage without opening the door and now I can do that without power). I got the boys to school a little earlier than is typical (amazing what happens when there is no tv to distract!!).

Tonight, we went to the St. Margaret Mary Fall Festival. What a crazy zoo, I must say! We did the inflatables, some games, the chili supper and silent auction. Ryan and Logan met us over there and hung out. We saw lots of classmates of Davey's and friends. We bid on a class basket (a large selection that Davey took a shine to). After several hours there, we decided it was time to head home. Davey and Max played a bit while I did some computer troubleshooting (due to the power failure, the modem needed to be reset with Bellsouth and the password changed). Once the computer was working again, I read bedtime stories to both boys (so sweet to read to both of them at once, just like`I always imagined).

Enjoy the Halloween madness and hug your little goblins!!!

The Little Things

I will make this brief, since it is definitely bedtime! I so appreciate the little things people continue to do for me/us. We had yummy chicken noodle soup, strawberries (the boys' fave), rolls and rice krispie treats tonight, courtesy of a friend in the moms' group. Also, after a call to my friend/neighbor a couple doors down, I have oats with which to make the requested "Craisin cereal" (oatmeal with brown sugar and Craisins in it) for Max. It is his favorite! He asked if he could have it in the morning, and thanks to Ryan, he can have his "Craisin cereal".

We have plans to go to the SMM Haunted Harvest Festival tomorrow night. Tonight, Ryan said he had heard there were some community things going on we could check out. We are carving pumpkins with him and his son (almost 2) on Sunday. Apparently I needed to bring my pumpkins inside to prevent having "frozen guts" when we carve. Hadn't thought about that. So, 3 pumpkins for carving are now in my entryway.

Have a spectacular and blessed Fall Weekend

Birthday

Well, we did just fine on Monday, as it turned out. I tried to go about my day as any Monday. After I left with the boys, David's mom and dad left in the Subaru, (I couldn't watch them drive away in David's car)and they headed to Texas. I went to work. Later, I picked Davey up from school (I went into the parking lot the wrong way for dismissal, just was on autopilot, I guess, and so I parked and walked over top where the kids are dismissed and waited for him. As we were walking to the car, the carpool Nazi stopped us and asked, "Can I help you!?" I responded, "No, we are just walking." She told me that walkers are dismissed AFTER car riders and I need to make sure I follow the protocol in future. I felt like saying, "Look, this little boy's daddy died and we are just trying to go to our car, so LAY OFF and think about what is really important in life!", BUT, I didn't have the energy to say anything.) and we went to get Max and went home. There was a message from Bobbi telling me she and our friend Amy were getting together for snacks and margaritas (Bobbi's specialty, if you remember from previous posts, she has been known to bring a 'rita to me at my house) and would I like to bring the boys over and join them. So the boys and I went over for a little, until it was time to go to the Straubs' for the birthday party.

We arrived at the Straubs' just as 4/5 of the Hubers arrived. We enjoyed an evening of laughter, tears and wine. We enjoyed Jennifer's special stuffed squash and Rudy grilled burgers and franks. Max sang (solo) Happy Birthday before we ate the cake. The boys released balloons and Max and I said "Happy birthday, Daddy" as they floated away. I held it together pretty well, overall.... until I got the boys in bed and started truly thinking about last year (we had a surprise 35th birthday party for David and that night, I had to take him to the ER because of a high fever.) I listened to the YUM voicemail greeting I have saved (about 10 times). That is the only recording I have of him, except our wedding video, which I cannot bear to watch. I fell apart, called a couple friends on the phone for support, including Tena, of course!!

I boo hooed a lot and woke up the next morning with a little headache (from the crying, stress or wine???) and flung myself into the toughest few days with my students I have experienced in several years. I am trying to give myself the ok to enjoy people, experiences and life in general. I think David would want me/ us to do that. We have some plans this weekend that will be Halloween and Fall in nature, so we are getting into the festivities. This year, we will not be trick or treating on the Oncology floor of Baptist East, although, if David were there, we would certainly do it again!

Hope everyone has a great rest of their week!

"I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall revere and worship and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

Wahoo to TCU!!

Trying To Stay Busy

David's mom and dad arrived yesterday afternoon. I raked some leaves (the boys jumped in the piles) while the grandparents observed their grandsons. I put together a dinner that was easy, but potentially impressive (frozen breaded stuffed chicken breasts, creamed leeks, wild rice). Davey ate 2 chicken breasts and everyone else only had one. Then, the bath, books, bed routine.

Today consisted of sourdough chocolate chip pancakes and sausage, soccer game at 10 a.m., a visit to the cemetery, a picnic lunch from Wendy's at the playground, naps, more leaf raking (and a funny story to follow!), dinner, college football on tv, then bedtime routine. Sitting and working word puzzles and games with Davey is such fun! He is so good at the "Which Way USA" books (puzzles and activities to "Stretch your Brain") and he is learning history, geography and critical thinking, too!

Going to see the newly placed grave marker was like an expected kick in the gut. My stomach was in knots from the time we left the soccer game. I was expecting to feel sad, down, etc., but I stepped out of the van, sat next to David and began weeping, sobbing, (choose your own synonym for crying), etc. We had to leave after not too long because Davey needed to use the restroom.

Speaking of restrooms, if you have been following the toilet trepidations here at our house, you will know that Max flushed a hockey puck-shaped toy down the toilet in the powder room. I think I have discovered where he got the idea to flush things (other than being 2 and kids seem to do this at 2). He commented to me Thursday when I picked up a prescription at Walgreens, "Mommy, what is that?" "Medicine," I replied. "Are you going to flush it?" he inquires. Hmmmm, I think. He watched me flush 8 large bottles of one of David's meds and about 8 other medications down the toilet about 6 weeks ago. Hmmm....

Now for the funny story for today. I ran out of leaf/ lawn debris bags before I had finished collecting the leaves this afternoon, so I called some neighbors. I left a message for Ryan, the guy a couple doors down who has a 2 year old boy Max loves to play with (unfortunately, Logan spends half his time here and half with his mom). Ryan did not answer, so I ended up leaving the boys here with their grandparents in charge and going to Home Depot to get bags (I also got a shepherd's hook to hang a basket, wind chime or wreath at the cemetery). When I returned, Ryan was in his front yard mowing his lawn. He told me "I called you back!" and asked me where I had been. I replied, "Home Depot to get bags." He said, "Davey answered the phone and I asked if his mommy was home. He said no. I asked if anyone was there with him and he said, yeah, Max is here." I am glad he trusted that I am a good mommy and that I left my children supervised and did not call Child Protective Services!!!

Tomorrow is a day of Mass, lunch out (courtesy of Grandpa), naps for those who are interested, portraits of the boys (perhaps to be used for Christmas card enclosures), a little walk or playing outside, dinner and collapse for the night (I plan to watch "Desperate Housewives", actually).

Monday, we have stuffed squash and birthday cake with some friends so we can still celebrate David's birthday. He would have been 36. Please say a little prayer for us, as it will be a rough day, I imagine. I hope I do not have to be home when David's mom and dad pull out of the driveway in the Subaru. I know it needs to go; I don't need 2 cars, but I don't think I can actually watch it go. I would rather that it just not be here when we return home from school. Am I a wimp?

And, finally, a huge WAHOO!!!! for TCU's defeat of #8 BYU this week with a score of 32-7!!! I bet David had front row seats!!!

Apprehension

The cemetery called earlier this week to tell me that the marker had been placed, so, in Saturday after Davey's final soccer match, we will all trek over to Calvary and visit. I would think it more appropriate to go after Mass on Sunday, but I don't see the need in driving to church, back home to pick up John and Sharon (David's parents), then to the cemetery. So, that leads us to Saturday between soccer and lunch. Then naps for any of us who want or need them. It will be a first for me to sell a car to an individual, rather than use it as a trade-in. I will be calling the county clerk's office to obtain instructions on what to do. While I am there, I will be asking about early voting. St MM is now in session on Election Day, due to the storm and related power outage.

Davey had his last soccer practice AND first chess club meeting today. I am determined to turn him into a combo of sports and brains.

I volunteered in the St. Margaret Mary cafeteria last Friday. It was actually fun to deliver ketchup, strews, forks, etc. and get to meet the kids. I had the opportunity to meet Davey's 6th grade buddy and let him know about Davey's new reality. He is a nice kid named Andrew.

Davey and I are working on a new concept for him... homework assigned Friday and due the following Thursday, We also work on birthday thank you cards nightly after Max is in bed (tonight, following this, we went into Davey's room to discover Max asleep in Davey's bed.

Max is still getting geared up for full force toilet time. I think it will require from me (like it did with Davey) about 3-4 days of being close to a toilet every hour and to be able to sit until he goes. I think Thanksgiving will be conducive to that, lots of football, food and home time. Plus the support of a Googey and an experienced aunt! He and I had a chat about what can and what cannot go in the toilet! I dearly hope that was a one and only experience I will have with snaking a toilet after a toy. Please look at our polls and answer them honestly.

And, finally, to put medical bills in perspective for those among us who don't have a need to know about medical expenses. I received the Explanation Of Benefits (EOB)for the 2 month period including July 11 to Aug. 9. This time, David was in 2 different hospitals and an ambulance trip. Even Dr. John Huber seemed a bit surprised. The insurance company paid $291,750! I think of what all that money could do!! I am glad for so many reasons that we did not prolong things unnecessarily those last few days.

May you all have many great blessings this weekend and make sure you count each and every one of them!

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
-Psalm 46:1-2

My hand will sustain him; surely my arm will strengthen him.
-Psalm 89:21

Roller Coaster Ride

Life is full of highs and lows. I try to see the highs and appreciate them. I think the lows make you appreciate the highs even more... or they can if you let yourself. "Team Incredible Dave" raised $3,561 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. If you still want to donate to our team, go to the link on the right side of the blog. That was good news received yesterday. Today has been rough, I have just been down for no one direct reason, just general melancholy, I guess. I could blame it on the economy, negative political ads, or maybe cloudy weather.

On the up side, a great plumber and truly nice guy, Steve Greene (of Greene Plumbing Services) came to work on the toilet yesterday morning. He had done work for us earlier this year. He fixed the toilet (first trying an auger and then resorting to removing the toilet and turning it upside down). He removed the hockey puck-like toy that Max flushed and then did not charge me a nickel. I highly recommend him if anyone needs a plumber!!!

Also on the positive, after trying to persuade Max to go potty before dinner (his pull-up was hardly wet) and him ardently refusing to go, he urgently said, mid-dinner, "Mommy, I need to go potty!" Not only did he pee, but he pooped, too! Yippee! (There was a part of me that wished I could celebrate with David, though, but I bet he's doing the "happy potty dance" in Heaven.

Davey's kindergarten went to Mass today at school for the first time today. He said it was good and, when given the choice between interesting and boring, he deemed it "interesting". He has been paying attention on Sunday mornings much better now that we don't take anything to do and Max goes to the nursery.

My mom and dad are arriving tomorrow afternoon to go to the zoo for their annual Halloween party, and then for Davey's soccer game Saturday morning. It will be a good weekend and keep us just busy enough to be a bit distracted from reality. Next Friday is when David's mom and dad come in. I know I need to not have the car anymore. No need to insure, tax and store a car that no one drives, but it will be really sad and weird to not have it in the garage and see it every night when we come home. I catch myself wanting to call David when I hear the traffic report if it contains anything related to the route to YUM!s offices. I guess it will be awhile before that stops. The Albrights will be leaving on David's birthday, so I think we will be taking a friend up on the offer to dinner at their house that night. I won't want to be alone that evening! Maybe I will make a cake to take and we can tell happy "David stories". Speaking of that, please keep sending Tena your own David stories. I want to have a lot to share with the boys.

Her email is worthycubed@yahoo.com

Thanks for your comments and calls and please try to appreciate the positives in your lives, no matter how small they may seem!

I Need a Vacation, I Think!

After our busy weekend (Tena, the boys and I were running on Saturday from the time we left the house at 9:30 a.m. until we came home from the LTN Walk around 9:30 p.m.). The boys we all troopers! We stopped by a jewelry store that was giving away Pandora bracelets to the first 200 customers. We explained that we were on our way to my son's birthday party. They gave us a coupon so we could come back and get our bracelets. Off we went to the Rauch Planetarium. We had a good time and I think the kids enjoyed the show, especially the laser show portion of the program. Even technical difficulties and pizza being 30 minutes late didn't get us down, after all, we now truly realize how insignificant little bumps in the road really are!

Then, after cleaning up, we sped off to the soccer field for Davey's 2:00 soccer game. The two little boys fell asleep on the way there, so they slept while I played "soccer mom"- a role I enjoy more than I anticipated. After the game, which St. Margaret Mary won, although officially, they don't keep score, we went to get our bracelets, went home to change for the LTN walk and took off for Waterfront Park.

The weather was perfect, the camaraderie was great and Team Incredible Dave raised over $2500 so far for leukemia and lymphoma research. There is still opportunity to support our team using the website (http://www.active.com/donate/ltnKentucky/2277_davidswife ). We had 28 people on the team and we had a great time. I was teary (did you expect anything different?!?!?) My parents even arrived from Rome (via Chicago) before we started walking. We saw the luminary with David's name on it and we took the sign my mom sponsored ("Dave's Incredible Team") and it is now in the front yard.

Long day, but every activity was well worth it!

Sunday, after church, Davey chose to have his birthday lunch at Incredible Dave's (after being talked out of going to McDonalds). Then we came home for littler boys to get naps. We got to the cemetery before the gates closed, but my mom and dad were coming with a silk mum and they did not get in. I took it over today and sat and talked to David for a few minutes. It was nice to have something there other than the dirt. The boys and I will go out there again when David's mom and dad come in 2 weeks. Then I went to get Davey. It was a busy and hectic weekend, but now I feel this emotional let-down after everyone has gone home. I have been enjoying all the love and support and there is a part of me that is dreadfully afraid that people will tire of me and my situation and I will be alone to muddle through on my way to "normalcy".

Well, We Did It

Well, folks. We have arrived at the big day. Saturday is the birthday party, the soccer game, the Walk and my mom and dad arrive home from Italy. There has been some confusion around the arrival and getting my parents from the airport. I had lined up a friend to collect them, but I did not know their arrival info. So, after some research on-line and with my cousin (my aunt is travelling with my parents until they get to Chicago), I think I have the mystery solved. They will maybe come to the waterfront or just come to the house and wait.

We have 28 people registered to walk. Tena and the boys (all three) went with me to drop off the collections that were not on-line and we got our instructions and t-shirts. I got a long sleeved "Bright Lights" shirt for raising more than $1000. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT!! We will be eating, socializing, walking and enjoying Louisville's own "Zooperstars" tomorrow evening.

Today, Tena, Eli and I went to the St. James Court Art Show. We made some purchases, but nothing too crazy. It was a great day! Thanks to the ever wonderful Jen Straub for taking Davey for the day for zoo fun, etc. so he didn't have to endure the art fair!!

Sunday after Mass, we will be making our first journey out to the cemetery since Aug. 12 (the day of the funeral). I need to remember to wear my waterproof mascara!

In a lighter note, I am still doing battle with the powder room toilet. It drains so slowly and I keep thinking that if I just keep working at it with plungers of various types and designs, I will start working better. Nice plan, but... We even had Tena's husband on speakerphone tonight trying to explain to me how to snake the toilet. All I accomplished was getting my arm in up to my elbow and rusty toilet water spewed on the floor and part of the wall and ON ME!! Tena and I were laughing for awhile, but it was rather short lived. My hand was cold and I wasn't making any progress. So, it looks like Monday, I will call a plumber and, until then, the toilet is off limits to all residents and visitors. Of course, this comes just as I am beginning to apply myself in earnest to the efforts of potty training Max. He is doing well when we are at home (he insisted on sitting on the toilet tonight for over 30 minutes so he could get the promised (single) M & M). My father-in-law says he needs an agent to work out a bigger payoff for his efforts. He was successful, so, as with all the big stars, he received a bonus... TWO M & Ms!!! He earns a star on his chart and an M & M for each success. Davey gets one each night he gets in pajamas, brushes his teeth an is ready to read books while I get Max in bed. The boys are in a race to see who will earn 10 stars (and something from Target's Dollar Spot) first. It is a tight race!!

Time to sign off! I have a sixth birthday party to hostess, a soccer game and a charity walk tomorrow. I can just hear David telling me that I am SuperMommy!!

Peace, love and joy to you all! Good night!

Mom vs. Teacher

It is hard to be a teacher and then go to your child's conference. I went to Davey's today and, of course, his teacher thinks he is "exceptional". I loved hearing that, of course. We talked about how to challenge him and also that he needs to work on not talking when he shouldn't (in the bathroom with 2 other boys, the same ones each time) and he needs to slow down and take his time so his work will be neater. I have some sad times each day, but I keep trying to focus on the good things. Every time I hug one of the boys, I tell myself I am hugging David, too. Tonight, Josie (of the Chitwood clan) came down after dinner to play and within minutes, Logan (he is nearly 2 and seems to really like my boys) and his dad, Ryan, were ringing the bell. So we all were playing in the basement. When it was time for my boys to get in the tub, everybody took off. It is nice to have neighbors who are so nice and who have kids around Davey and Max's ages. Tomorrow we are invited to a friend's house for an early celebration of Davey's birthday. Then Tena and Eli arrives and the CRAZINESS will begin! Fun, but hectic! Gotta go make a kindergarten lunch! The fun never stops!

What A Day!

After yesterday at the gym getting weepy on the machines and having to stop my workout, and then being all sad when I picked Davey up, I hoped I wouldn't cry today. No such luck. I had meetings today with some folks I hadn't seen in several weeks and the talk was mostly about how long each of us were without power. I was proud of myself for handling everything alone (well, except for escaping to my mom and dad's house for 2 nights and having a neighbor remove the limbs from the gutter and hot tub). I also had my friend next door come last night and unclog the toilet for me (but I changed the filter on the furnace MYSELF!). Talk then turned to whether I had joined a support group or considered counseling. I mean, when would I fit that in!?!?!?!? So I shed more tears then. I was ok after a little cry and some laughs, thanks to these ladies I was with today.

Before going to get the boys, I went to the new oncology unit at Baptist East. It opened in mid-August, so we never were there. The nurses were so great to us, that I kind of missed them. So, I went to see them and several of our favorites were there. It looks like a hotel, except for the hospital beds. They reminded me the David will always be the first patient to go visit the new digs back in July. I don't really know what possessed me to go see them today, but I truly think it was part of the healing process, kind of like the first time you see an ex-boyfriend after you break up or when you pull a Band-Aid off, you have to do it and then it is a little easier the subsequent times.

My mom called me from Italy this afternoon. I was a little panicked when I saw it was her calling. They were just checking on me and making sure I was ok. They will be back next week. They are having a great time and tomorrow they head to the villa they are sharing with my aunt and several former classmates of my mom's and their spouses.

I managed to watch all of the 2 hour season premiere of "Grey's Anatomy" last night. Both boys were in bed by 9:00! This was rather momentous, me, who used to scorn the parents who had trouble getting their kids down at a "reasonable hour", now has had to work back to the 7:30 and 9:00 bedtimes we had in May. I enjoyed it, even though it is a medical show.

Today, I received the Explanation of Benefits for the period from July 11 to Sept. 10, 2008. This covered the last month David was alive and nearly all of that was in the hospital. The total I have to pay is lass than $500, but without insurance the total was over $291,000! More than a nice house goes for! INSANE?!?!?!? We were at the Chitwoods tonight, along with our friends and former Creeksiders, the Crosbys and the guy who bought their house, Ryan (he has a nearly 2 year old Max loves to play with). They all are a great support to me!

Well, until another night, I bid you farewell! Have a great weekend and email or comment so I know what your thoughts are on these ramblings of mine!

Single Motherhood Is...

CRAZY HECTIC: I feel like I just rush from one thing to the next ALL DAY LONG! Today, we got up, ate breakfast, rushed to drop off first Max, then Davey (we were almost the last ones in carpool line, not the last, but when I commented to Davey that we might be last, he said, "That's ok, Mommy, the last shall be first and the the first will be last." - cracked me up!!), then off to work- today I rode the pre-school bus to collect eleven 3 and 4 year olds. After dropping off the kiddos, I went to the Room Parent Meeting for Davey. (that was my lunch hour well spent) There are 3 parents per class and they are the ones who coordinate the parties (Halloween, Christmas and Valentine's), arrange people to work the Fall Festival and the fish fries and help with disseminating info to the parents in each class. I signed up for the fish fry job. Then I went back to work and saw kids until our biweekly staff meeting, then collect boys, run to Wendy's for our Wednesday, pre-soccer picnic and then soccer practice. All I can say is, whew, I am glad there is only one Wednesday each week!!

FULL OF DECISIONS: I know all parents have to make lots of decisions every day, but I never realize how much I relied on having someone to discuss with and bounce ideas off of. I even feel a little jealous of divorced parents who fight and disagree over decisions for their kids. How much to invest in college savings versus regular savings, how much life insurance to buy, how to get rid of the annoying life insurance salesman that you told you were "going in another direction" and he STILL keeps calling to "offer advice", how to discipline a child when they don't do as they were told, whether to put a decal supporting your child's (parochial) school when you are an employee of the public system. Let me explain. David never thought it appropriate to have a St. Margaret Mary sticker on the vehicle that I was driving to work and parking in public school parking lots. Now, I have had Davey ask about the decals on the cars of other SMM parents and I am wondering what David would do now that Davey is inquiring about it. Please weigh in on the subject, folks!

CONSTANTLY IN SEARCH OF "BRIGHT SPOTS": I have to be on the lookout for the little happinesses in my days, not that these examples are "happy", but... For example, I received the first checks from Social Security for the boys yesterday, I have some neat moms to talk to at soccer practice, my neighbor cut down and removed 12 paper lawn bags and 9 bundles of sticks, limbs, etc. from the downed portions of the tree in the backyard, (then came back the next night and mowed the lawn!), the Moms' Group from church is continuing the meals on Tues. and Thurs. each week, Tena and Eli are arriving in one week, David's mom and dad are planning a trip here in October, my brother, sister-in-law and nephew are planning on coming to KY for Thanksgiving, and of course, I have 2 of the most awesome boys on the planet!

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

-Albert Schweitzer

[D]on't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines. (New York Post, October 4, 1959)

-Leroy (Satchel) Paige

A Bit Like Homeschooling

After nearly a week off from school (due to weather...not snow, like is typical with Weather Related days off, but high winds of 75+ mph), I have entertained my children in several ways that aren't typical of traditional education. I think many experts in education would be loathe to approve all of these excursions. Monday, we went to the Louisville Zoological Gardens. The zoo had done a very good job of clearing debris and preparing for visitors in less than 16 hours. It was a fun day. And it was cute to see Davey and Josie holding hands as they observed the animals. We saw an 8 ft. tiger being trained and fed horse meat. Max does a fantastic impression of the tiger "going ROAR!!"

Tuesday, we cleaned out food from the fridge and freezers to throw away and then played with the sons of my friend Ronda, who had electricity, and therefore television, internet and Wii. That afternoon, as soon as JCPS decided there would not be school on Wed., we headed to Bowling Green again, with laundry, a cooler of a few bits of salvaged food, and us.

Wednesday found us enjoying oatmeal at Googey and DadDad's and then off to Jackson's Orchard for apple cider, pumpkins, apples, and fall fun. Later, we went to the mall to help my mom find some pajamas for the trip to Italy that would be easy to hand wash and line dry on the trip. We were successful. My triumph was completing the phone interview with the Louisville Social Security office while keeping 2 boys relatively calm, corralled and quiet while in Macy's. The call went well. Lots of questions about birth dates, when we got married and where, any previous marriages, when we moved into our house, did David serve in the military, etc. All I have to do now is review the forms that will come in the mail as a result of the call, sign them and enclose a deposit slip for the bank account for direct deposit of the checks. The boys will each receive a monthly check until they graduate from high school. I receive a one time payment of $250.

Last night, we took the boys to the Ringling Brothers- Barnham and Bailey Circus, right there in Diddle Arena (Western Kentucky University's basketball stadium). We all had SO much fun, perhaps the adults having more than the kiddos! After the show, we all compared notes on our favorite act. The elephants and the tigers were highlights, but the clear fave was the clownish guy who ride a bike that keeps coming apart and getting put back together incorrectly, yet somehow functionally. At the end, he rides an approximately 4 inch high bike through a ring of fire. Large amounts of clapping coming from the under 6 set in our row!!!

Today, we went to Target to print photos dating from last February (including a business trip David took to NYC, Easter, the Pegasus Parade at WRBC, our annual trip to Mexico Beach, first day of kindergarten, picking pumpkins and the circus). Then, since St. Margaret Mary was back in session today, and I have verified electricity at our house, we came home to Lu-A-Vul. Upon our return, we were greeted with our neighbors past and present (Chitwoods and Crosbys) and shared the food the church Mom's Group has shared over the past couple days.

Tomorrow, both boys return to their typical routine (for A DAY!) and I will finish with the house and visit a local shop guaranteed to offer several wardrobe ideas previously unconsidered.

This weekend will find us working on Davey's "All About Me" project and having soccer photos. I hope we can return to a normal evening routine, so the boys are in bed before 9:00!! We will see. October is shaping up to a remarkably busy month filled with soccer, visits from family, marking birthdays (a party for one, a visit to the cemetery for the other), a couple costumes to create and continuing to attempt to create that "New Normal" that has been very elusive in September with storms and 4 day power outages. My friend Amy referred to the blackout as "pretending to return to Little House on the Prairie days"- she gets frustrated without her TV, Internet, coffee machine and air conditioning.

Again, we are thankful for neighbors who have helped with food storage, tree removal, company, information sources for school closings and reopenings. Everyone should be as lucky with their friends and neighbors. Forget Green Acres, LOUISVILLE is the place to be!!

It's Dark, So Very Dark

We had a nice weekend in Bowling Green. Friday night, we attended a balloon festival. Where Max saw 17 'hoppy' balloons - that's 'hot air' balloons for the rest of us. On Saturday, my mom and I went to see the movie "The Women." I highly recommend it to all you women folk. There was only one very brave man in the theatre.

Also on Saturday, we attended an old fashioned Kentucky hoe-down at the South Union Shaker Museum. David would have enjoyed the music just like we did. We have gone to several of those over the years and David always loved listening to the music and comparing his own banjo skills.

Upon returning home, we discovered that 75 mile per hour winds had visited our house. In it's wake, we found much debris strewn across the neighborhood - including two large limbs leaning against the back of the house. Max called the visiting tree limbs a 'jungle' and hopes to play beneath them tomorrow like he did this evening. We also have no electricity. I am sitting in my lonely room on a corded phone by candlelight...we are very comfortable, though - the windows are open and there is a nice breeze. But, it's very, very dark in here.

By now you are wondering how I might be blogging without electricity. It's the blog fairy - otherwise known as Tena - via telephone in Texas. (Ike actually hit in Texas and I have the effects but Tena does not. I'm not bitter, though.)

So, had I known the extent of this storm, I would've stayed in Bowling Green. School has been cancelled until there is electricity. There are probably 110 public schools without electricity. This is the first of our bad weather days.

While we were gone, an army of people came to care for the house - inside and out. They trimmed limbs, washed the car, mopped the floors, cleaned the bathrooms, set up the new entertainment center and decorated for Halloween. Thank you so much - you did a great job!

It's a new version of 'while you were out' - except that I knew they were coming. So we've had 'extreme makeover playground edition' and now 'while you were out.' I wonder which television show will be next?

David's parents will be coming to visit in October. It just so happens that they'll be visiting over David's birthday. We'll probably go out to the cemetary for a visit.

Room Mom and Stuff

Two quick things...
1. I am one of the room moms for Davey's class. They are the only ones allowed to go to the class parties... big responsibility! They "randomly choose" 3 parents per class. Yippee!!!

2. Davey has decided to join the St. Margaret Mary chess club after playing with the chess set gave David for his 30th birthday. He asked if I could teache him and I had to admit that I can't, so he has decided to join. Nerdish????

Gotta get kiddos ready for school!

That's What Friends Are For!

Today's post may be a bit of a tear jerker. We went to Davey's soccer practice this evening after picking up Wendy's for a picnic at the soccer field. I got to talking to another mom and mentioned that we were going to take a trip to St. Louis in early Nov. and Davey would be missing a day of school (something I SWORE I WOULD NEVER DO!!), but since for 2 summers David and I had planned trips to SL and 2 summers he was in the hospital and we had to cancel, we were definitely going this time. She asked how my husband was now. I teared up and told her he had died a month ago. She said, "Oh, you're Jennifer Albright. I have heard about your story." (So, now I am famous??)

Another happening today was a phone call from the funeral home to tell me the death certificates had arrived from Frankfort (the capitol, for the non-Kentucky folks). A friend from work offered to go pick them up so I would not have to go to the funeral home. What a nice thing to do! So now I can file for the life insurance and social security for the boys. I spoke to a YUM Human Resources person today. They are not only continuing the health insurance for us, but are helping arrange for the vision insurance to cover the eye exams Davey and I had in July. A blessing!

The Grandparents' Day celebration at St. Margaret Mary was yesterday. My mom and dad came for it and had a great time. After it was over, instead of going straight home, they called me and asked if I would have time to meet them for lunch. We went to a place downtown called Toast and had gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato basil soup. It was a cloudy, cool day, so it was perfect for the weather.

Last night, I actually went out with a group of gals for dinner. A friend from work (I seem to have a few of those, huh? Ain't it great?!?!?) came last week to meet the boys and then last night stayed with them and feed them and got them in bed. While that was going on, her husband worked on the hole in the bathroom ceiling from the plumbing we had worked on last fall. Now I have one less hole (well, actually, no holes ) in the ceiling. He will be back to do another coat of mud this weekend. Next week, he's going to work some more. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life to help me in so many ways!!

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope."

May you all have a wonderful weekend and hold your loved ones close!

A Very Busy Day!

Well, the entertainment center was delivered Saturday morning about 9:15 (shortly before we needed to leave for Davey's soccer game- more on that later). Our friends, Cindy and Nick Zilich, had come over to supervise the delivery, since I knew I would need to leave mid-delivery. I bribed them with sourdough pancakes. They stayed and I left Max happily playing in the basement. After the game, I called to see how things were (Max and Nick made a Spiderman mask, wrist bands and cape out of the sheets of foamy stuff the furniture was wrapped in). Cindy told me the shelf with the stereo, DVD player and satellite receiver had fallen on the TV, but the TV was fine. "You can hardly tell," were Cindy's words. Apparently, the delivery men neglected to bolt the 3 components of the furniture together so the shelf would have something sturdy to rest on and the shelf itself was bowed and therefore 1/2 inch too short. So, Cherry House called me back and are coming on Monday to bolt things together properly and, I hope, bring me a non-warped shelf! It is 9 1/2 feet long, but the wall is big, so it is perfect.

The soccer game was great. Davey had fun, got to play a bit at goalie and even kept a ball from going in. They don't keep score officially, but it seems the parents do. St. Margaret Mary scored 5 and St. Michaels scored none, but "no one keeps score"- nudge, nudge. It was even a little chilly (65 degrees). I wished I had a sweatshirt. We will miss next week's game, but there are several more to come. At the end, all the parents do a tunnel for the kids to run through. That was neat and it made me miss David, but I have to think he was right there with us!

Later in the day, I received a visit from our friend who is handy with drywall. He measured and inspected and determined that the new drywall needed to be attached to a floor joist (good thinking!) so he cut away a bit more and then determined that the piece he had would be too small, so he will work more on it on Tuesday while he and his wife are babysitting the boys. The boys may learn a valuable skill!

Tonight, we were invited to some friends' for fun for kids and "adult beverages" for me. People seem to assume I need some of those! It was a good time, a nice distraction. We didn't get home until late, but the boys had fun. I just hope they aren't too grumpy when I wake them up for Mass in the morning!

I want to wish grandparents out there a happy Grandparents' Day tomorrow. My mom and dad will begin their trip to Louisville from my cousin's wedding (on the beach on the coast of North Carolina, I haven't heard whether it was all indoor or if they managed to do some outdoor).

Take care and God bless!

We Win!

Our friend Cindy Carter (wife of the guy who was instrumental in getting David and I set up on our first date) decided to write a letter to Incredible Dave's "giving them a piece of her mind". They responded to her today by phone. The said that I can use the name, as long as I do not use their font or logo, lest anyone think their Dave was the one who had passed away. Sounds like a deal to me!!

I bought a perfect birthday gift for Davey today. He asked for a telescope and we saw one this past weekend at Costco. He looked through it and LOVED it! So how cool will it be for him to see it in his own house or backyard?!?

I just had a good conversation with David's dad. We talked about the boys, telescopes (he thought I chose a good one for Davey), a possible trip up here in October to see grandsons and fall foliage and he proclaimed me "terrific". Any daughter-in-law knows how fantastic it is to have the sincere approval of the parents of the one you love. I especially am grateful for their approval since I now have the awesome task of raising their grandsons alone and hope to continue to do so in the manner David would if he were here with me (I know, Davey, Daddy IS with me, but you all know what I mean!).

The entertainment center will be delivered Sat. morning, unfortunately at the same time as Davey's first soccer game, so I am attempting to get a friend to help out there. I have cleared the space in the family room, wit help from "manly men" in the neighborhood. BUT... the old one, which I planed to use in the basement, did not fit down the stairs, so it will have to go in the Creekside garage sale in 2 weeks. Bummer, but perhaps another source of income to offset the expense of the new entertainment center.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring me or our LTN walk team, or JOINING our team, please let me know! Call, email, leave a comment, or go to the sites. Thanks for your support!

Hope this finds everyone doing well. Have a great weekend!

"Friends are the family we choose ourselves."
-Edna Buchanan

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
-Anais Nin